


How To Get The Girl

by BaseballbatofStydia



Series: How To Get The Girl [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 1989, Breathe, College, F/M, Future Fic, Romance, Summer, Taylor Swift - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-30 03:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 30,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3921244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaseballbatofStydia/pseuds/BaseballbatofStydia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Stiles Stilinski heard Lydia Martin say she loved him, he thought his heart would stop. The day Lydia Martin heard Stiles Stilinski say he had to let her go, she thought her heart would break. Now, after a year of college, they're pushed back together in their home town for the summer. Both of them are forced to wonder if they'll ever be able to fully get over one another, or if they even want to.</p><p> Inspired by and featuring hit songs from popular artist Taylor Swift, such as Out of the Woods, Enchanted, Last Time, and Wonderland, comes the heartbreaking romance that will leave you thinking that second chances can happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this! The first chapter is based off of Breathe.

 

_It's two A.M._

_Feelin' like I just lost a friend._

_Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me._

_It's two A.M._

_Feelin' like I just lost a friend._

_Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me._

_And we know it's never simple, never easy._

_Never a clean break, no one here to save me._

 

  The first time they mourned their relationship together, Lydia was crying in her car. She’d gone to the store for her mom and had seen him in aisle four. She’d felt like she’d been hit in the stomach and had to get out of there. It couldn’t wait. She couldn’t breathe. She paid for her things as fast as she could and started for the door.

  “Lydia!” She’d heard his voice and actually turned for a second. It was a second she wished she could take back. The moment she saw his face, strained and hurting, she wanted to go to him. She wanted to make the hurt stop but she couldn’t. She was the worst person to do that. He was the one who caused this anyway. Even if he was right, even if it was best with them going to different colleges, she didn’t want to face him.

   So she’d gone to her car and broken down. Someone rapped their knuckles against the window and when she’d looked up, Stiles was looking at her. It was so much like another night back in school that she’d wanted to scream in frustration.

  “Lydia will you let me in?” he’d asked gently.

 “Just go away.” She’d hated that her voice shook so badly, that it was so evident what a wreck she was.

  “Lyds, please. Please. I can’t… I can’t leave you hurt. I just… I can’t. I love you

Lyds…”

   Then she had finally unlocked the door after taking a deep breath. Stiles had moved into the passenger seat and reached for her. Lydia had immediately buried her face into his chest and started sobbing on him,

  “I know,” he’d whispered, stroking her hair. “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry…” They sat like that for a long time. Lydia crying on him, Stiles trying not to cry himself, Lydia wondering why they had to go through this, Stiles cursing that he thought they did.

   The second time, Lydia woke to her phone ringing in the middle of the night. She answered it and heard nothing but quiet crying. “I know,” she’d said quietly. “I know. It’s okay, Stiles. I’m here. I miss you too….”

  The third time, Lydia came to his house. They’d sat on his bed and cried together.

 The fourth time started out as a fight. Stiles, Scott, Kira, and Lydia were out to lunch, enjoying one of the last few times they’d be able to do this before college.

  “So, I have news,” Stiles had said, picking at his fries. “I changed my mind and I’m going to the University of Maryland. They have the best criminal justice program and I have an aunt up there anyway so…” Silence had hit the table like a wave. Scott and Kira both responded positively, pasting fake excited grins on their faces to hide the fact that they were going to miss him like hell and it seemed worse now that he was going out of state. Lydia, however, had just stared at him.

  When they all started parting to go home, Stiles had stopped Lydia from getting in her car. “Hang on. You didn’t say anything.”

   “I don’t have anything to say.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “I’m tired and I want to go home.”

  “Lyds-”

  “Stiles _let me go home_.”

  And Stiles had stepped aside. But that night Lydia had turned up at his house again and gone straight up to his room. “You’re going to Maryland. You’re leaving, Stiles.”

 “I thought you didn’t have anything to say.” He had watched her with sad, brown eyes, knowing she was hurting.

  “I lied! I have a lot to say!”

  “Lyds, we’re all leaving…”

  “But not out of California! You’re going to be gone! We can come home for the weekends and you won’t be here! Why? Why the sudden change of plans?”

  Stiles had raked his fingers through his hair. “Because I need the space. Lydia, if we’re going to do this, if we’re going to be apart, I have to really be apart.”

  “But I don’t even understand why we have to be apart!”

  “Lyds, we already talked about-”

  “I don’t care! I don’t care what we talked about Stiles! This is stupid and not fair and I don’t want you to go and I don’t want to be broken up!”

  “Lydia…. You…. You are amazing and you… You deserve the chance to be on your own for a change. Long distance is hard so why not just take this chance?”

   “I don’t want it. I want you.”

  Stiles had seen the tears in her eyes and the effort it was taking her not to shed them and crossed the room to her in just a few steps. His arms had found their way around her and she’d melted into him. They’d stood there crying together for a while. Somehow, in a breakup that hurt them both the only people that really gave comfort was each other.

  Now, Stiles sat on the plane, holding a picture of him and the beautiful girl with strawberry blonde hair in his hand. As his amber eyes wandered the picture, he felt his mouth start to part as if there was something he wanted to say. Maybe there was. Maybe he wanted to stand and tell the entire plane that the school year he had spent away from her had been hell. That he was going home, back to her, and he was filled with anxiety, regret, and excitement he knew he shouldn’t feel. But he always would. It was Lydia.

  “Oh, my.” The elderly man beside him leaned over and plucked it out of his fingers. “She is beautiful. Is she your wife?” The man smiled and gave him a playful wink.

  Stiles felt a smile spread across his face, even at the pain of the w word. “My ex-girlfriend, actually. We dated through senior year of high school but… I broke it off for college.” He swallowed, feeling the pain of it again, the real reason why he’d ended it right beneath the surface, wanting to come out but, just like always, staying buried.

   “Now why would you do that?” The man asked.

  Before Stiles could answer, the woman beside him scowled. “Edgar, that is none of your business.”

  Stiles smiled again. “It’s fine. I’m Stiles.” He held out his hand.

  “Stiles?” Edgar made a face as he shook his hand. “Well, I suppose it’s up to our parents isn’t it?”

  Stiles laughed. “It’s a nickname. Stilinski is my last name so I just….”

  “Oh, I see. I’m Edgar. This is my wife, Mary.”

    His wife shook Stiles’s hand. “Please excuse him.”

  “It’s completely fine.” Stiles grinned. “I love it, honestly.”

  “Goodness, the boy is a saint,” Mary sighed.

  “Or stupid,” Edgar commented.

  Stiles burst out laughing as Mary scowled and said, “Edgar!”

    “Oh, man, I haven’t laughed like this since Christmas.” Stiles wiped his eyes, grinning. He’d gone home for Christmas break but Lydia had not. Instead, she and her mom had gone on a trip. Stiles had wondered if it was on purpose to avoid him and then immediately felt stupid for thinking it.

  “So, your girl,” Edgar said. “You gonna see her?”

  Stiles hesitated and nodded. “Yeah. I am. We’re both going home for the summer. We’ve talked a few times through the year. I mean, we used to be best friends. And then…”

  “Do you regret it?” Edgar asked. Stiles bit his lower lip. No, he didn’t. He’d never regret it. His year with Lydia Martin was the greatest thing to ever happen to him. “Of course you don’t. Son, you have that look.”

  “Oh, no, here he goes,” Mary sighed.

  “What look?” Stiles asked.

  “The look. The look that men get when they’re met _that girl_. You know, the game changer.”

  Stiles gave a small chuckle and shook his head. “She’s always been that girl. I fell in love with her when I was eight years old and it’s done nothing but grow.”

   Edgar continued to ask questions and Stiles continued to answer. Mary joined in occasionally but Edgar was the main contributor. Then Edgar told Stiles about him and Mary. He told him all about how Mary had decided she was going to marry him but she was a few years younger and Edgar never considered her. When she got old enough it didn’t take him long to change his mind. By the end of the four hour flight, Edgar wrote out their phone number and handed it to Stiles.

  “I greatly enjoyed talking to you,” he told Stiles. “If you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to call me.”

  Stiles smiled as he took it. “I will.”

  “If you need advice,” Edgar said, “just call.”

  “I will.” Stiles put the number in his phone. “You’re just a button away. Thank you.” Stiles walked with them out the arrivals gate but stopped in his tracks when he saw a familiar group all holding a rather large sign that read _Welcome home detective_. His eyes landed on his dad first, beaming at him from behind the middle of the sign. A flash of movement made him look away and notice his best friend just before Scott tackled him. Stiles laughed and wrapped his arms around him. “Hey, Scottie! When did you get in?”

  “Last night.”

  When they broke apart, Stiles grinned as he realized that Melissa was there as well, arm around his dad, and beside her was Isaac and beside him was Kira. Then, beside Kira, was Derek of all people. “Sour wolf!” Stiles said cheerfully. “They dragged you out of your cave.”

  Derek rolled his eyes. “We should send you on the next plane out.”

  “You would miss me way too much. Speaking of missing me,” he grinned at Scott, “aren’t you glad you’re room is right next to mine?”

  Last year, when John Stilinski and Melissa had moved in together, Stiles and Scott had really had it made. Especially because now when they came home they got family and each other all put into one. Isaac, of course, had a room too.

   “Come on,” Sheriff said, smiling at them. “Let’s go home.”

 

-~-~

 

  Lydia switched her blinker on as she turned onto another street. This was it. She was coming home. Stiles was already home. How was she going to do this? She hadn’t seen him since he’d gotten on the plane to go to school. Maryland. He was all the way in Maryland. She couldn’t believe it when he’d told her. He’d left to give them distance but she wasn’t sure she’d ever loved him more. Being away from him was supposed to make it go away, not make it worse. But here she was, driving home, still in love with her ex-boyfriend. Damn it.

   She turned onto her street and felt a smile slide onto her face. Her mom was in the driveway waving and beside her, bouncing up and down, was Kira. Derek and Isaac were even there. Then she saw Scott and lastly she let herself see Stiles. He was leaning against his jeep parked on the curve, smiling lazily at her car. No matter how lazy his smile was, his eyes were flashing with all the excitement in the world. It made her heart ache.

   Lydia pulled into the driveway and took one deep breath before getting out. “Hey!” Her mom pulled her into a hug. “Oh, you look wonderful!”

 “Thanks Mom.” She accidentally caught Stiles’s eye over her shoulder. He looked away. When her mom released her, she worked her way through the group until she reached Stiles. They both stood awkwardly, looking at the grass or the house or even the sky, until they finally made eye contact.

  The warmth in his eyes hit her like a brick, as if she’d forgotten what they were like. She felt for a moment as if she couldn’t breathe. Years ago, she never would have thought that she would react this way to Stiles Stilinski. That one look at him would have her thinking about nights laying side by side in grass and laughing. Or that she would have to fight to stop her eyes from looking at his lips. Or that she would know and miss every part of him.

  “Hey, Lyds. Welcome home…” He spread his arms and she only hesitated briefly before going into them. Hugging him felt as natural as it always had and she wondered how she had gone an entire school year without it.

   “How are you?” she asked.

  “I’m fine. How are you?”

  “Good,” she lied. _I miss you_ she wanted to say. _I’ve never stopped missing you, I never will stop missing you._

  “Good.” As they pulled apart his smile was strained. “It’s good to see you again.”

  “You too,” she said quietly.

  “Why don’t we go inside?” Her mom asked, swooping in to save the day.

-~-~

"Pass the potato salad!" Isaac grunted, reaching in front of Derek for it anyways.

  "Don't ask for it if you won't wait," Derek told him as he smacked his hand away. He passed the potato salad with a beautiful ten point eye roll. 

 Lydia grinned to herself and caught Stiles's eye across the table. His amused smile was so familiar that for a moment she could just be honestly 100% happy to be home. She could pretend that no pain went with it. 

 But then the moment ended and he looked away, but not before she saw a flash of pain in those dark eyes. she couldn't help but feel slightly irritated with that. Once upon a time he had been the guy that used to stare at her from across the lunch room and wish for a chance. 

She never would have guessed that that boy would have grown up to tear it all down.

 

 

_And I can't breathe without you_

_But I have to._

_Breathe without you_

_But I have to._

_Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt._

_Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve._

_People are people, and sometimes it doesn't work out,_

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

 


	2. Last Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Normally people want to be with each other, that’s why it hurts, and they tell themselves no and they stay away. But you two? You wanted comfort from each other and you got it. She would come here or you would go there. Or you’d meet or you’d call. And sometimes you’d fight and you’d tell each other exactly why it hurt and what you wished could be done and then you’d just cry together. Now that? That relationship… I can’t believe that’s over. I refuse actually.” John got up. “I just think you need to figure it out.”  
>  “I don’t know, dad.” Stiles stared at the floor. “I don’t think either of us could survive another goodbye.”

 

_I do remember the swing of your step_

_The life of the party, you're showing off again_

_And I roll my eyes and then_

_You pull me in_

_I'm not much for dancing_

# But for you I did

 

There was a rap at the door.

  “Come in!” Stiles hollered. The door opened and John came in. “Hey.” He pushed his chair away from the desk and turned to face him.

  “Hey.” His dad sat on the bed and looked at him. “So. How are you holding up from lunch?”

  Stiles looked away. “I’m holding,” he said finally. “It was hard. It’s Lydia.”

  “I know. I gotta tell you, I never thought you two would end.”

  Stiles bit down on his lip. “Me neither.”

  “Should I not have brought it up?”

    Stiles hesitated and then shook his head. “It’s okay. I appreciate you asking.”

   “You still love her.” It wasn’t a question. Of course it wasn’t. Stiles nodded slowly. “Why don’t you tell her?”

   “Because… I ended it for her.”

 “Ah, right. I forgot.” John leaned back against the wall. “Maybe it’s something to reconsider.”

   “No. Even if I did, I don’t think she would. Not after I hurt her. I was supposed to... I was supposed to be the end of the line. When I broke up with her, I took away her boyfriend and her best friend in one sweep.” He shook his head. “There’s no going back from that.”

  John nodded once. “Well. How was it seeing her again?”

  “Hard. All I wanted to do was kiss her and tell her I was sorry. But all I could do was a hug and pleasantries. I don’t know how to be this thing with her. All I’ve ever known is to love her every day harder than I did the day before and to let her know she had someone. Now I want her to know she has me but I don’t know how to tell her. And even if I did she wouldn’t take me up on it. I don’t think she trusts me anymore.”

  “Breakups are hard,” his dad said quietly. “But Stiles, I’ve never seen any two people handle a breakup like you did.”

  “Yeah, it wasn’t great.”

  “No, it was magnificent.”

  Stiles stared at him. “What?”

  “Normally people want to be with each other, that’s why it hurts, and they tell themselves no and they stay away. But you two? You wanted comfort from each other and you got it. She would come here or you would go there. Or you’d meet or you’d call. And sometimes you’d fight and you’d tell each other exactly why it hurt and what you wished could be done and then you’d just cry _together_. Now that? That relationship… I can’t believe that’s over. I refuse actually.” John got up. “I just think you need to figure it out.”

  “I don’t know, dad.” Stiles stared at the floor. “I don’t think either of us could survive another goodbye.”

 

“Last night in California,” Scott said, clapping him on the back. “I am so not going to survive without you.”

_“You’ll be okay.” Stiles grinned at him but his heart was aching. Suddenly he didn’t want to go. But he wasn’t sure how much he ever wanted to go. He just wanted to get through it. He wanted to survive this break up. He hoped Lydia “won” the break up (got over him faster) but he wanted to survive. Leaving seemed the way to do it._

_Lydia was over for dinner too. Just about everyone was. It was Stiles’s goodbye party. Granted it wasn’t much of a party. Everyone forced themselves to high spirits but no one was actually happy. After everything they’d gone through it wasn’t natural for someone to be going so far away._

_Stiles tried to catch her eye but she avoided eye contact. Since they’d stopped going to each other for comfort, they’d started seeing less of each other. A lot less. Stiles hated it. He hated the distance and the look of pain he’d occasionally see flash in her eyes. He hated knowing that he’d made her cry so many times, that he’d caused her to cry herself to sleep. He hated himself. This was why he had to go. Lydia deserved the chance to do better._

_Near the end of the night, Stiles was rinsing dishes without John or Melissa’s knowledge (they didn’t want him doing anything) when someone tapped him on the shoulder. Thinking it was one of them busting him, he whirled around. Lydia was looking at him, unshed tears shining in her eyes, her beautiful hair falling around her in perfect curled locks. “Lyds…”_

_“Can we talk? Outside?”_

_Stiles nodded and she took his hand and led him out. He shivered at the touch and hoped she didn’t notice. He loved her so much, too much. “What’s going on?” he asked as he shut the door behind them._

_“I’m about to leave. I wanted a chance to say goodbye. I’m not coming to the airport, Stiles. I can’t.”_

_Stiles closed his eyes and nodded. He’d expected that. “Okay.”_

_She looked hesitant and then she closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back, pulling her as close as he possibly could. “Stiles Stilinski, I have one thing to say to you…” He braced himself. “Thank you.”_

_“What?”_

_“Thank you. You have been my friend for a long time, longer than I realized. You were the only one who saw me completely and you’ve always been there for me, even when I know it hurt you to do so. Like with Jackson. And you filled in for Allison, going shopping with me and watching romantic comedies. I’ll never forget it. I’ll never forget the boy who saw me.”_

_“Lyds… This isn’t that kind of goodbye.” He was scared by the tone in her voice, the way she was speaking, and he could hear his fear in his voice. “It’s not forever.”_

_“I know.” She looked up at him, still in his arms. “But things are changing. And I need you to know.”_

_“Know what?”_

_“That I saw you. That I’m grateful, that I always have been. …That I love you. That I’ll always love you, that I’ve loved you longer than you know.”_

_Stiles felt a catch in his throat and looked up at the half moon and blinked. “I know.”_

_“Stiles?” Her gentle, soft hand came up to touch his cheek and guide his face down to look at her. A couple of tears had fallen. It was only then that he realized a few had fallen from his eyes too. “One last kiss?”_

_Stiles leaned down, cupped her face in his hands, and whispered, “Are you sure? Will it make it harder?”_

_“It’s worth it,” she murmured._

_And he kissed her. He felt all the regret and all of the pain that was in store. He could feel the love and the laughter that they had shared, like the beautiful friendship that had led into the imperfectly perfect relationship. He felt Stiles and Lydia, like the end of the best part of his life._

_She was the one to pull away first. She let her hand slide across his cheek slowly, as if her fingertips were trying to memorize him. And then her hand fell away and she backed up to her car, not breaking eye contact. She was crying. He watched her get into her car and pull away._

_“Goodbye Lydia Martin,” he whispered, raking his fingers through his hair._

 

 

  Lydia sat on her bed, staring at a framed picture on her dresser. She loved that picture. Scott, Allison, Kira, Isaac, Stiles, her. The one time their group had been whole and together. That period ended quickly. She wished they had tackled Derek into the picture but she didn’t own a single picture of him. Probably never would. Derek didn’t seem like he did pictures.

   She looked at where she and Stiles stood. She was looking at him, laughing at something that he’d said or done, and he was beaming with pride that he’d made Lydia Martin laugh. She’d give anything for him to do it again.

  There was a knock and Natalie poked her head in. “Hey, honey. I have hot chocolate.”

   Lydia felt herself smile against her will. “Okay.”

  Natalie came in and sat beside her. “You aren’t in jammies yet?”

  Lydia shook her head and got to her feet. She moved to her dresser, pointedly not looking at the picture, and opened a drawer. She froze. There was an old T-shirt that was ten times too big for her. She slowly lifted it. Did it still smell like him? Probably not. Before she could think better of it, she pulled off her dress and pulled it on instead. She moved back to the bed and sat down, crossing her legs as she pulled her mug to her.

  “Did I not do good by inviting him?” Natalie asked suddenly, looking at her with worried eyes.

  Lydia shook her head. “I wanted to see him again. I needed to. I can’t avoid him. We’re going to be a group again whether we like it or not.” She picked at a loose thread on her blanket.

  “Why don’t you tell him?”

  Lydia shook her head. “He can’t know how much I miss him.”

  “Why not?”

  She couldn’t answer at first. Finally, she whispered, “He was supposed to be the one that didn’t hurt.”

  “Honey…” Her mother rested a hand on her knee. “All love hurt, even the right ones.”

  Lydia looked up and bit her lip. She wished her mom was right but… “I just can’t say goodbye again.” She moved towards the dresser again and tugged off his old shirt, tossed it away. She couldn’t do it.

 

_And I hope the sun shines_

_And it's a beautiful day_

_And something reminds you_

_You wish you had stayed_

_You can plan for a change in weather and time_

_But I never planned on you changing your mind_

_So I'll go sit on the floor_

_Wearing your clothes_

_All that I know is_

_I don't know how to be something you miss_

_Never thought we'd have a last kiss_

_Never imagined we'd end like this_

# Your name, forever the name on my lips


	3. Come Back... Be Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles and Lydia attempt to get back to normal, only to find that it isn't easy to pretend everything is the same.

 

_Stumbled through the long goodbye,_

_One last kiss, then catch your flight,_

_Right when I was just about to fall_

_I told myself don't get attached,_

_But in my mind I play it back,_

Spinning faster than the plane that took you...

 

  “It’s been way too long,” Kira said, practically bouncing as she put the car in park outside of the café.

  Lydia curled a strand of hair around her finger. She was opening her mouth to say more, something of agreement, when she saw Scott and Stiles through the café window, sitting at the usual table. The four of them used to double date here all of the time. When Scott had asked if they should meet up, Kira had been hesitant. Lydia insisted that they’d be fine. Now, she was having second thoughts. Stiles was wearing a King of the Lab T-shirt, a reference for _Bones_. She loved that T-shirt. She used to sleep in it all of the time. It was huge on her but it was a reference to one of the shows they both enjoyed for various reasons.

   A quick flash of anger surged in her chest. _Is he trying to make this hurt?_ But of course he wasn’t. He just picked a T-shirt. There was nothing wrong with that. Lydia took a deep breath and nodded, slowly releasing the strand of hair still wrapped around her finger. “Yeah. Too long.”

  “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  “I’m sure.” Lydia closed her eyes briefly and pushed the door open. Why didn’t she pick a knock out outfit? Why did she have to show up in a regular sundress? She had so many things in her closet that she knew for a fact he loved. But no. She wanted him to get over her. She didn’t want to knock him off his feet. Those days were gone.

   She walked in the café with Kira, head held high, back straight. As she walked, her hair bounced around her and she wished she felt half as confident as she was trying to show.

    Scott stood and greeted Kira. Lydia slid into her seat across from Stiles and reached over without thinking, plucking one of his fries from his plate. She realized her mistake and froze momentarily, hand halfway to her lips. His mouth twitched but he couldn’t hide that spark of amusement from his eyes. Not knowing what else to do, she ate the fry.

     The table broke into chatter almost instantly, everyone sharing stories from their adventures at college. Things were starting to feel almost normal, aside from the painful knowledge that when she wasn’t casting stolen glances at him, she could feel his eyes burning into her skin.

  But then Kira and Scott had excused themselves for a walk. And Stiles and Lydia fell into silence. Lydia stirred her milkshake, Stiles picked at his burger. “So,” he said after what felt like years. “You’re keeping up your GPA.”

 “Yeah. You know, it’s easy to focus on studies when you’re single.”

   The comment left them both shocked. Stiles jerked his head away in a wince, staring out the window. Lydia looked around the room desperately. Why did she have to say that?

  “It was a pretty good year,” she said finally. “How was yours?”

  “Fine.” His voice sounded tight. “It was fine.”

  Lydia could not have been more relieved when Maria, the café owner, came bustling by. “Maria,” she said, waving. “Hi. How are you?”

  The woman beamed. “Welcome back. I’m doing fine. I have to say, I’m surprised to see you two out together. Unless….” Hope sparked her eyes.

  “No,” Stiles said quickly. “No. Scott and Kira ditched us.”

  Maria eyed them. “No,” she said finally.

  “I’m sorry?” Lydia asked, puzzled.

  “I’m not going to be a bridge so that you two can talk. You were friends before you dated, you were friends during, and I see no reason why you can’t be now.” Maria shook her head. “You two forget, I saw the four of you at least once a week all year last year. What you had is too special to let die. I won’t help you.” Her eyes softened. “It is good to see you kids. I hope I didn’t speak out of place.” She walked away. “I’ll be back to check on you.”

  They sat in silence for a couple heartbeats. Then Stiles got to his feet and walked out. Lydia stared after him. He left her. He just left.

   But then the door opened and Stiles came back in. He walked over and held out his hand. “Hi. My name is Stiles Stilinski. I’ve been too chickenshit to talk to you but we’ve gone to school together forever.”

   Lydia felt a small smile pull at her lips. She took his hand. “Hi. I’m Lydia Martin. You should’ve stopped being chickenshit and talked to me.”

  Stiles let a slow smile creep over his face as he slid back into his chair. “Maybe I was just afraid of getting hurt.”

  “Maybe you weren’t the one in trouble.”

  “Lyds…”

  “I didn’t want to miss you.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you know what it was like when you left? You left the state, Stiles. To get away from me.” What was she doing? They were doing so good. A fresh start. But it was all just pouring out of her. “I couldn’t even pretend that it wasn’t to escape me.”

  “Well what about you? You and your mom left for Christmas.”

  “I told you. We’d been talking about going to New York for a long time. It seemed like a good-”

  “Bullshit,” Stiles hissed. “You didn’t want to see me.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “We both know it is! Why don’t you admit it?”

  “Maybe I know how shitty it feels to be told you’re the reason someone you love is leaving the state!” she shot back.

  He flinched away from her. His brown eyes were hard as they stared back at her.

  Lydia looked away, suddenly feeling hot tears pressing her eyes. “Maybe Maria was wrong. I don’t think I can do this.”

   She heard a sharp intake of breath from across the table and then movement. Maybe he was leaving. Disappointment pricked her heart. Why didn’t she want him to go? It’d be easier. She looked up. Sure enough, he was gone.

  But no. He wasn’t. He was a table away. He looked over, spotted her, and got to his feet. Then he came back over and rested a tentative hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I couldn’t help but notice you looking upset. Can I just apologize for whatever douche hurt you?”

  Lydia ducked her head, fighting a smile. “Stop trying to make this work, Stiles.”

  “That’s crazy! How do you know my name?”

  “Stiles.”

  “You recognize me from Biology.”

  “Stiles.”

  He slid two fingers under her chin, gently lifting her head so that she was looking at him. “Lydia Martin. We are playing a game and I need you to roll with me. We are eventually going to get this right. Understood?”

  She smiled softly. “I hear you.”

  “You just had to say something other than understood didn’t you?”

  “Well, of course.”

  Her gave her a truly genuine smile, the kind that was sad, amused, and hopeful. The fact that she put that there made warmth flare in her chest. “Stiles Stilinski, you’re a brat.”

  “I prefer stubborn ass,” he said playfully, sliding across from her again.

    Lydia shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Of course you do.”

      When Scott and Kira came back, Stiles had Lydia laughing so hard that she was leaning against the table, hand over her mouth. And Stiles was beaming so much that it looked as if joy was about to burst from him. As the four of them walked outside, Stiles looked over at her. “What if I drove you home?”

   Was he serious? Lydia blinked. He had to be serious. Was he crazy? “I… Sorry,” Stiles said, eyes widening.

  “No,” she said, surprising herself. “Why not?”

   A slow, real smile spread across his face. It made her heart ache. “Really?”

  “Yeah…”

   Stiles quickly made his way to the passenger door of his jeep and pulled it open with a flourish. Lydia smiled and got in, wondering what on earth was wrong with her to repeat the same mistake. They drove in silence mostly. Awkwardness hit them again in the solitude of the car. They were really, truly alone together. This was a horrible idea.

   As the jeep rumbled to a stop in front of her house, Stiles finally spoke. “Hey. Awkward or not, we did it.”

  She nodded. “We did.”

  “It’s a step in the right direction.”

  “I suppose so.” She opened the door and slid out. “I guess I’ll see you around…”

  He looked like he wanted to say something more but the moment passed and he nodded. “Yeah. See you.” Lydia watched him for a second before shutting the door and going inside.

 

_New York... be here._

_But you're in London and I break down,_

_'Cause it's not fair that you're not around._

_This is when the feeling sinks in,_

_I don't wanna miss you like this,_

_Come back... be here, come back... be here._

_I guess you're in New York today,_

_And I don't wanna need you this way,_

Come back... be here, come back... be here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! And don't forget that you can request a song for a chapter to be based on!


	4. Enchanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He never planned to lose her.

_This is me praying that_

_This was the very first page_

_Not where the story line ends_

_My thoughts will echo your name_

_Until I see you again_

_These are the words I held back_

_As I was leaving too soon_

_I was enchanted to meet you_

"I don't know what to do! I love her, I will always love her, I am never going to stop loving her. And there is so much hurt there that I don't know if we'll ever be able to have what we did. What if we can't be friends again?"

"Well," Edgar said slowly. "Are you sure you want to be friends? Or do you want to be lovers?"

Stiles fell silent. "I want both," he said finally. He leaned against his bedroom wall and rested his head against it, closing his eyes. How badly he wanted both. He actually physically ached for it.

"Sounds to me like you had it."

"I did." Stiles paced his room again and exhaled slowly. "We're slowly getting there. We've been home about two weeks now and every time something gets uncomfortable I walk away then I come back and reintroduce myself. It's sort of like a do over."

"Not a bad idea."

"The first time I reintroduced myself I told her I'd been too chickenshit to talk to her. I have been. I'm still a chickenshit when it comes to Lydia. I don't know what about this girl makes me such a coward."

"That's called love," Edgar said. "It makes you smart and stupid, brave and scared."

"I just... I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to have this... this thing with her. All I know is how to love her. It's all I've ever done. I've never had to act like I didn't before. I don't know how."

"I think you just need to talk it out."

Before Stiles knew it, he was talking. He was talking about everything. "When we were eight, I really noticed her. And she was perfect. All I could see was her perfections. I loved her hair, I loved her eyes, I loved that she knew all the answers. I loved her sass. Oh, she was sassy. If the teacher's told her to do something she'd make a face before doing it. But she wasn't trying to make them angry or belittle them. They loved it, just like they loved her. It was adorable. And then... We lost my mom." His voice broke.

"She had frontotemporal dementia. I was with her when she died." Stiles fell back on his bed. How had the conversation gone here? "She... She had a really hard time near the end. So did we. She forgot stuff and she was angry and she was confused and she wasn't sleeping and I'd find her sleepwalking and... It was awful. It was... It was awful. And then there was this angel at school with the same color hair as my mom, who was just so... so sweet. She was not always the gentlest of creatures but when she wanted to be she sure was. Once we found a hurt bird in the playground and no matter how much the teachers yelled for her not to mess with it, she wanted to help. She carried it to the nurse of all people. And she found me crying more than once. She rarely said anything but she'd sit with me... And she'd just be there.

"My mom was our second grade teacher. So Lydia knew her. She even had her mom take her to visit her at the hospital. I was there when they came. And when she left, I told my mom that I was going to marry her. My mom... She told me she wished she'd be there for my wedding. I told her she would. I don't know if I meant in spirit or physically but... I do know that my mom just smiled at me and told me at least she got to meet the girl. I know she was kidding but for me she was giving her blessing. And... I don't know. I just knew. It was Lydia. I always knew. I watched her date other guys for what seemed like forever. And somewhere along the way, I finally got on her radar. And she came to me when she needed someone. I was more than happy to be there. When her boyfriend moved to London and her best friend was in France, I just... I stepped in. It was natural for both of us."

Stiles slowly let out a breath. "I could not believe it when I finally got her. And the first time I heard her say "I love you"? I thought I was going to die. I love her so much. I can't do this. I can't not be with her. I can't lose her again. I can't stand that I hurt her. I... I hate it. I hate..."

"Okay," Edgar said gently. "It's okay, Stiles. Just breathe."

"I miss her so much. It hurts. It's been an open wound all year that refuses to heal. I can't do it."

"Then get her back."

"It's not that easy. She... I can't do that to her."

"Why exactly is it that you think she needs to be away from you?"

"I just do."

"Well, personally, I think you need to get over it. You need to go get that girl. When you decide to listen to me, let me know and I'll give you a hand."

Stiles closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, wishing it was that simple.

_The lingering question kept me up_

_2 AM, who do you love?_

_I wonder 'til I'm wide awake_

_And now I'm pacing back and forth_

_Wishing you were at my door_

Stiles rolled on his side and looked at the clock. 1:30. He groaned and rolled over. This sucked. Why couldn't he sleep and why did he want a milkshake so damn badly? He sighed and got up. There was no point fighting it.

He was blinded by bright light as he turned into the kitchen. He blinked several times as Melissa looked over. "Hey, sweetie. Sorry. I just needed a milkshake."

Stiles grinned. "I am so glad you live here."

"Same thing?"

"Oh, yeah." He got to work on his milkshake.

"How is it being home?"

"Excellent. I missed it. Honestly, Maryland's nice and all but... I'd rather be here. Like a lot."

Melissa smiled softly. "Why don't you transfer?"

Stiles hesitated before replying, "Don't tell anyone but... I'm thinking about it."

Her eyes lit up with such hope that Stiles, once again, regretted the move. But he'd needed it and everyone had understood and supported him. "Really? Honey, you know we'd love to have you closer... Of course, it's your decision. We will support you in anything."

"I know." He hopped onto the counter and swung his legs. "Melissa? Can I get your opinion on something?"

"If it's that shirt you wore home, I don't think you want my opinion," Melissa teased, handing him the chocolate syrup. Stiles laughed as he poured it into the blender.

"No. Well, that's actually useful. But no, that's not what I was asking. I was more wondering if...." He broke off and bit on his lower lip. How could he ask this? He didn't deserve the answer and even with it he probably would never act on it.

"If I think Lydia would take you back?" Melissa's eyebrows rose slightly, knowing she nailed it.

Stiles looked at the tiled floor. "I guess. I mean.... I guess I still stand by what I did but... Part of me can't help but wonder what if... What if I tried. Could I ever get her back, could I ever get her trust back?"

"Honestly? I think so."

"You do?" He looked up, more surprised than he'd even expected to feel. "I hurt her badly. I... I was the one she could count on, you know? I wasn't supposed to hurt her. And with the way that I chased her...."

"Stiles." Melissa crossed the kitchen until she stood in front of him, her hands on his shoulders. "You loved her. You still do. There is nothing wrong with you. I still think there's more to your decision than you let on."

"No," he whispered. "I just thought she deserved more."

"How did you come to that conclusion?" she asked. He stayed silent. "That's my point. There's something there. Something else. And someday that's going to come out and it's going to help. She's going to know you didn't just abandon her or that you just wanted to be free for college."

"She doesn't think that does she?"

"Sweetheart, she's a young girl. All women have insecurities like you wouldn't believe," she said gently. "Anything's possible."

He shut his eyes tightly, wishing he could just shut it all out. "I never wanted her hurt..."

"I know."

"I miss her. I miss her so much. I wake up in the middle of the night and all I can think about is her smell on my pillow or how cold it is without her. And it's like... It's like missing a part of my soul. I mean, I won't be one of those people who say I can't live without her. I can. I proved it this year. But it's uncomfortable, it's an ache that won't go away. I worry about her, I want to be with her, I wish I had done something differently, I replay every conversation we ever had. So, yes, I can live without her. But I'm tired of it."

"I know..." Melissa pulled him into her arms and Stiles's forehead came easily to rest in the crook of her neck. "I know, sweetheart. It's because what you've found is 100% real, honest love. And I know it hurts. But remember that as much as it hurts, it can make you that much happier."

"I should have married her," Stiles whispered, his voice cracking. Melissa's hand stroked his hair soothingly as she rocked them both back and forth gently. "I should have married her..."

_I'll spend forever wondering if you knew_

_I was enchanted to meet you_

_Please don't be in love with someone else_

Please don't have somebody waiting on you


	5. I Almost Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Should have, could have, would have

_Oh, we made quite a mess, babe._

_It's probably better off this way._

_And I confess, babe,_

_In my dreams you're touching my face_

And asking me if I wanna try again with you.

_And I almost do._

                  

  “So what do you need me to pick up?” Stiles asked into the phone as he walked down a store aisle.

  “Well, we need popcorn, obviously,” Scott replied. “There’s no movie night without popcorn. And we need peanut butter because, well, duh.”

  “I still think you’re a freak for dipping popcorn in peanut butter.” Stiles tossed a thing of peanut butter into the cart. “Want me to buy a movie or do we want to go through what we’ve got?”

  “See if they have Horrible Bosses. I love that movie.”

  Stiles grinned. “Sure. Okay, I’ll grab it. Hey, li-” He broke off as he saw a familiar shape up ahead. “I have to go.” He could vaguely hear Scott’s response of confusion as he pulled the phone from his ear and pocketed it. “Hey! Hey! Mr. Martin!” He pushed his cart to Lydia’s dad as the man turned around.

  “Ah. Stiles. I heard you switched to Maryland.”

  Stiles wasn’t sure what exactly he felt in that moment, or why it was so important to talk to him. But it was. All the pain he’d felt and inflicted over the past year was bubbling up. “Yeah. I’m back for the summer.”

   “It was a good idea, that distance.”

   Stiles knew his gaze hardened. He didn’t really care. Who did this guy think he was? “Yeah. She’s still hurting over that one.”

    “We both know it was best in the long run. I’m glad you took my advice.”

    “Honestly? I’m not.” It was the first time Stiles had said it out loud, the first time he recognized that he hated the situation he’d placed them in. He wanted her back. He wished they hadn’t broken up. He wished he had never opened his mouth that night. He wished that he never let her get hurt. “You were wrong to place that pressure on me. It was an asshole move, sir.” He kept his head high and his back straight as her dad stared at him in angry bewilderment.

   “I was right. For once she got to focus on her studies instead of a boy.”

  “That is not your decision to make. And you know what? It’s not mine either. Lydia Martin lives her life as she chooses, always. I had no right to make a decision for her. If she was insane enough to want me….” He broke off, his breath catching in his throat. That fact, the fact that she had wanted him, had loved him, hit him like a tidal wave. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. “She was insane enough to want me. And I fucked up.”

   “You did the right thing.”

  “No, I didn’t.” Stiles shook his head. “I didn’t. I did what was right for you. You just didn’t want your daughter with me. Is it because of my dad? Because he’s a sheriff and you’re a defense lawyer and that makes you natural enemies? Is it because that’s what I want to do? Or is it because I made her happy and actually showed her that guys could be decent? Because we both know you sure as hell never did that.”

  “Excuse me?” Anger flashed in his eyes.

    Stiles didn’t back down. His heart was pounding and he could barely hear over it. “I worked so hard for so long to undo what _you_ did. The way you picked fights with her mother and lectured and ranted and insulted her clothing. You made her pick between you two and got pissed off when she picked the parent that didn’t make her feel like shit. She expected all guys to be like that. And she ended up with Jackson, who was the biggest dick I ever met. And then Aiden. And the whole time I didn’t even care if she loved me back, I just wanted her to be happy, to know she could actually _trust_ someone. And then she did trust me. She let me in. She let me be her friend. And later, she let me be more. She let me love her. She _trusted_ me. And I let you in my head. I let you talk me into thinking she deserved more, better.”

   “Your unhappiness is not my fault.”

  “I know. It’s mine. Because I would never have let you talk me into breaking up with her if I had any sense of self worth. You didn’t do this. I did. But that doesn’t make you any less of a dick.” Stiles gave him a furious look and turned away.

  “Hey!” Mr. Martin’s furious voice raged behind him. “I will not stand for you speaking to me that way!”

   Stiles kept walking. He’d given that man enough of his time.

 

_And I just wanna tell you_

_It takes everything in me not to call you._

And I wish I could run to you.

 

   The first time Lydia kissed him it was like the world had stopped. He remembered being terrified before the kiss. His thoughts had been raging so fiercely that he felt like a whole other portion of his brain had woken up. He had needed air and had none. And then Lydia’s lips found his. And all he had felt was shock at first. Everything seemed to numb. He still couldn’t breathe but it was different because suddenly he was filled with air. Because she was everything he needed.

   He hated not being able to kiss her anymore. He hated feeling like he was missing such a huge part of himself. He wanted to be whole again. She was so vivid, so alive, so bright, so colorful, so vibrant. She inspired him every day even when she wasn’t physically with him. She had that effect on people.

  _No more._ Stiles let the door slam shut behind him and let the shopping bag fall. “Scott! Groceries! I’ll be right back!” He ran upstairs to his room and kicked the door shut behind him, falling into his desk chair. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. _This ends now._

   _Lydia, my Lydia. I am so sorry. I am so sorry for doing all of this to you. I was supposed to not hurt. I was supposed to be different. I was supposed to comfort you and always be there. And I left you. I am so sorry. I was wrong._

_It’s time you know what happened. When I broke up with you, you said that you didn’t know where this was coming from. A few days ago I was fine and talking about the future. You’re right. It was sudden. I lied when I said it had been on my mind._

_Your dad tracked me down. He told me that I was selfish to hold on to you, that it would be hard on us to go to different colleges and stay together. He expressed to me that I wasn’t good enough. That you deserved the world and that with my career choice I could only give you the country. That’s right. One my reasons was something as stupid and petty as money, as if you really care about that._

_He went on to tell me that you’re a genius and that you’ve never even been able to tap into your true potential because you’ve always had the distraction of a boyfriend. Please don’t hate me for listening. I know that you don’t let anyone distract you, that you do what you need to do. I was stupid and scared. I was blind._

_I was afraid I wasn’t going to be enough. I’ve always wanted you to be happy and I was afraid that I wasn’t your best shot at that. I’m sorry for trying to make that decision for you. But I think also… I was afraid you’d break up with me first, that I’d lose control and be blindsided. Instead I blindsided you. I will always regret it._

_Lydia, I was a chickenshit, again. Again. I ruined it. I don’t expect you to forgive me but if you would I would be eternally grateful. Even without it, I’ll always be grateful to you for letting me love you at all. I know I broke your trust. I am so sorry. I will never do anything this stupid again, I swear._

_I love you. I will always love you. I have always loved you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I would take a bullet for you in a heartbeat, I would do anything to make you know that you are loved. Even if you move on, even if you marry someone else in a few years, I will support you and love you and be there for you. I hope you can manage to let me in again, even just a little._

_When we got home I should have taken you into my arms and kissed you and held you and told you how desperately I missed you. I have missed you every second since you pulled out of my driveway the night of our last kiss. I have ached for another kiss, another smile, another laugh, another touch, another word, another anything. I missed you, I miss you still. I need you in my life Lydia Martin._

_I love you, I love you I love you, I love you. I will never take it for granted again. I’m sorry I ever tried to stop. You, Lydia Martin, are the love of my life. You are the freaking Ally to my Noah. I want to be together that long. I want to be in your life when we’re old._

_I should shut up. I’m not trying to guilt you into anything. But I owe you an explanation after everything. I’m sorry I left you. I promise: never again. Never. I love you. I’m sorry._

_-Stiles_

Stiles stared at the paper for a long time and leaned back into his chair. He chewed on his lower lip for several minutes before taking the paper in his hands and folding it several times. Then he slipped it into his desk drawer. He couldn’t.

   “I’m such a damn chickenshit,” he whispered, dropping his head into his hands.

 

_And I hope you know that every time I don't_

_I almost do,_

I almost do.


	6. Fearless

__  
  


_We’re drivin’ down the road_

_I wonder if you know_

_I’m tryin’ so hard not to get caught up noow_

_But you’re just so cool_

_Run your hands through your hair_

_Absent mindedly makin’ me want you_

 

  Lydia threw herself onto her back, glaring at her ceiling. For the past two hours, she had been trapped in a battle with her mind. As much as she wanted to sleep, her brain did not want to shut off. She slowly let out a breath and closed her eyes.

  _Buzzzzzzzzz._

   Lydia wrinkled her nose and looked at her nightstand, wondering why the hell her phone was going off at midnight. She grabbed it and unlocked it.

  Stiles: Are you awake?

Lydia bit her lip, a million questions and thoughts racing through her head. Why was he asking? Should she pretend she didn’t get it? But why not answer? Would it really hurt anything?

  _Buzzzzzzz._

Stiles: My name is Stiles Stilinski, by the way. My friend gave me your phone number. She thought we might get along and that maybe you’d be awake too.

She couldn’t help it. Lydia gave a small smile and typed a response.

Lydia: I’m awake. I’ve been thinking I need to get out and socialize more. What do you have in mind?

Stiles: That’s exactly what Kira said. Want to go shopping?

 Lydia: What? The mall is closed.

Stiles: Ah, but the department store isn’t.

Lydia: You want to go shopping at midnight? What kind of guy are you?

 Stiles: The kind that’s already watched an entire season of Orange is the New Black and really needs to get out.

She couldn’t help but laugh as she texted him to come and pick her up. She pulled herself out of bed and pulled on one of her many shirt dresses and her tan wedges. She knelt by the bed and kissed Prada on the head. “I’ll be back girl,” she whispered stroking the dog’s fur. She pursed her lips as she looked at her and then slowly got up, trying to tell herself that it the gray hair Prada had picked up between Christmas and now was nothing to worry about.

  She grabbed her purse and went outside just as the headlights appeared. That trademark, light blue jeep rolled up and the window rolled down. “Hey, there. Want a ride, cutie?” Stiles grinned at her.

  Lydia gave him a playful eye roll and got in the passenger seat. “Sure thing, stud,” she answered without even thinking about it. Maybe, for one night, things didn’t have to be weird.

   Stiles laughed and started driving. “So, I’ve come to a conclusion.”

  “Oh?” Lydia pulled the glove compartment down and began going through his CDs.

  “Mmhm. Piper’s screwed.”

  Lydia burst out laughing. “Admit it. You like this show.”

  Stiles grinned. “It’s… Well, it’s intriguing. These characters are all nuts, every one of them.”

  “Aren’t they?” She grinned. “Wait for the rest of it.”

  “Yeah, well, thanks for saving me from that.”

  “You’re welcome.” Lydia tucked a strand of hair behind her hair and then put in a CD. “This is still in there, I see,” she said, waving the Taylor Swift CD in front of her face.

  “What?” He scoffed. “I forgot about it…”

  “I so don’t believe you. It’s okay to like her, you know.”

  “I… don’t…”

  “Liar,” she teased. She looked out the window, listening to the song and watching the lights zoom past.

   “I don’t like her,” Stiles said again after a few minutes.

  Lydia laughed. “Oh my gosh, fine. It’s okay.”

  “I-I don’t- I really don’t- You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless,” Stiles cut himself off, singing along loudly to the song.

   Lydia nearly bending herself in half as she leaned forward, laughing and clapping. “Well, you stood there with me in the doorway.”

  “My hands shake.” Stiles pointed at her to take over.

  “I’m not usually this way.”

  “But you pull me in and I’m a little more brave!”

  “It’s the first kiss!”

  “It’s flawless!”

  “It’s fearless!” they ended together, both trying not to laugh, grinning ear to ear as Stiles flicked on his blinker and turned into the parking lot.

  “I told you!” Lydia threw her hands in the air.

  “Oh, whatever!” Stiles laughed, swinging into a parking space.

  “I am the reigning champion of being right! Whoo!”

  “Oh, no one likes a sore winner.” Stiles hopped out and went around, opening her door for her.

  Lydia swung out of the Jeep and grinned at him. “If you don’t like a sore winner, why’d you used to play scrabble with me?”

  “Oh! I can win Scrabble!” Stiles grinned at her as they walked.

  “Sure. But not against me.” She winked and led the way into the store.

  “You are so messed up in the head.” Stiles looked at her with a glint in his eye before bounding to a rack of clothes. He pulled out a peptobismal pink skirt and grinned at her. “This is perfect for you, Lyds.”

  “Just remember this store has knives, Stiles.” She made her way to a different rack and started going through them as he burst into laughter.

  “Hey, how about this?” Stiles pulled out another skirt. It was sort of simple, a gorgeous plum color. She surveyed it for a moment before taking it from him. “Good find.”

  He beamed at her and Lydia couldn’t help but notice the small tug on her heart at the sight.

  “Hey, we need to get you a new blue button down.”

  “I have a blue button down.”

  “Trust me, I know,” she replied, trying to let him know through her tone how much she despised that shirt.

  Stiles grinned at her. “Fine.”

  They ended up splitting up, each planning to gather their own outfits and then try them on together. The task was simple, get a mix of good and bad and make the bad shocking.

   Lydia walked into the dressing rooms and grinned at him. “Ready for this?”

  “Oh, I was born ready.” He winked and went into his room.

  Lydia walked into the other one and threw on one of the ones she liked: a white blouse with the plum skirt. When she came out, Stiles was leaning in the dressing room doorway, now dressed in a new pair of jeans and a button down shirt under a sweater. He was running his fingers through his hair, looking off into the distance. And even though she knew it wasn’t on purpose, she felt unbelievably frustrated with him for looking so damn sexy.

  He looked up at her and his jaw fell slightly, his face falling into that awed look that she’d always loved seeing on his face. But it ached a little now, knowing that they couldn’t be together, knowing that even though she could put him in awe he still ended things.

  “That… You… I like that,” he said quietly.

  “That too,” Lydia replied. “It looks… You should get it.”

  He gave her a small smile. “Will do.”

  “I’m gonna…” She ducked back in the dressing room and shut the door, slowly letting out a breath. _Okay,_ she thought. _Time to change things up._ She pulled on one of the worst outfits that she could find and then burst out of the dressing room to see him also bursting out in the same moment wearing nothing but a speedo and a shirt with ducks all over it. Lydia stumbled backwards, laughing so hard that she thought she might fall over.

  “Eh?” He grinned at her. “Obviously, this is a golden summer look.”

  Lydia opened her mouth to respond but just started laughing again. “Okay,” she gasped after a few minutes. “You win. You win this round.”

  “Round two, here I come.” Stiles grinned at her and went back in the dressing room.

  Lydia took a long breath and went back in hers, still chuckling. “I cannot believe you grabbed a speedo.”

  “That’s how I do.”

     She came back out in a pair of frumpy jeans and a shirt that literally had a bra outlined on the front. Stiles came out and then his eyes widened and his fist flew infront of his mouth as a choked laugh came out.

  “You win,” he said after a minute. “Yup. No question.”

  By the end of their game, they were tied. “How do we break the tie?” Stiles asked, loading their clothes on the rack.

  “I hate to say it,” Lydia said, “but I think you win.”

  “What? Why?”

  “The first outfit. We didn’t score those. And that sweater… That was good.”

  “But it in no way beats your skirt.”

    “Oh, don’t suck up.”

  “I’m not sucking up, Lyds. Honest.” He smiled softly.

  Lydia had to look away, away from that smile, away from those adoring eyes. Because if he adored her so freaking much why did he leave? “Come on. Let’s go and call it a draw.”

  “Okay,” he said quietly, slipping his hand into hers. “But first. Hi. My name is Stiles Stilinski.” He spun her in a circle. “And I really like this song.”

  And just like that, she was drawn into a dance with him. _I must be a glutton for punishment,_ she remembered thinking at some point but then all negative thoughts were driven away as she laughed with the boy she loved once again.

  It was just a night, it was just a dance. Maybe it wouldn’t change their future but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be magical.

  It didn’t mean it couldn’t be fearless.

 

_Cause I don’t know how it gets better than this_

_You take my hand and drag me head first_

_Fearless_

_And I don’t know why but with you I’d dance in a storm in my best dress_

_Fearless_

 


	7. Wildest Dreams

_I thought heaven can't help me now_

_Nothing lasts forever_

_But this is gonna take me down_

Lydia stared at the ceiling. A year ago today Allison Argent died. She closed her eyes and grabbed a handful of her sheets. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair. Why Allison? Of all the people in the world she deserved it the least.

Something hit her window and Lydia jerked up to a sitting position. Slowly, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood. She made her way to the window silently and opened it. On the ground was Stiles Stilinski, a small pile of pebbles in his hand. He gave her a lopsided grin. "Hey, gorgeous."

She raised her eyebrows. "What do you think you're doing?"

"We're running away."

"Oh, really?"

"For the night. I know we'll have to answer to parents tomorrow but I need this tonight. And if I feel this torn up and tortured, I can only imagine how you must feel. So come on, Lyds... Let's live on the wild side for the night."

Lydia hesitated only briefly before shutting her window and grabbed her discarded shoes laying on the floor by the door. She ran downstairs and out the door in her bare feet, making sure to be quiet and quick. The moment she was outside, she raced into his arms. Like they always had, Stiles's arms found their way around her frame, as if they could protect her from the storm of emotions inside her.

_He said let's get out of this town_

_Drive out of the city_

_Away from the crowds_

"How do you know about this place?" Lydia stepped out of the room of their little inn, waiting as Stiles shut it behind them. He offered her his arm, which she took, and led her down the street. The two of them hadn't gone far. They were at a little inn maybe an hour from home. But the moment that they had seen the Welcome to Beacon Hills sign in the rearview, Lydia felt as if a weight had been lifted.

"Family tradition. My dad, my mom, and I." Stiles stopped at a light, waiting for the light to turn to walk. "It's not far, I know. But it was our little family vacation. It started before I was born. They got into a fight and it ended in them both leaving the room. Then my dad came into the kitchen- my mom used to stress cook- and announced that they needed a break. So they drove to the next town and stayed the night. Then they just made a tradition out of it. My dad and I kept it up after she died. It seemed wrong not to. It's just an escape. A small one, but an escape."

"That's... that's really cool... I bet your mom was great..." They started across the street.

"She was." Stiles was smiling, just slightly. "She was beautiful. Her hair was like yours, actually. Strawberry blonde, long... She was beautiful without knowing it, you know? And she couldn't sing worth a crap but when I was little she used to sing to me every night." His voice cracked. "I miss it. It's one of the things I miss most. The little things do that, you know? It's the little things."

Lydia thought of the way that Allison would add vanilla to her soda or slide down the hallways in socks and felt a pang.  _Yes,_  she agreed silently.  _It is the little things._  Instead of answering, she took Stiles's hand in hers and squeezed gently.

He cast her a small smile. "You would have liked her."

"I know I would have..."

Stiles cleared his throat and led her onto the beach. It was beautiful, bathed in moonlight with a million stars up above. She glanced up at him and said quietly, "This was a really good idea, Stiles..."

His face lit up the beach.

_Say you'll remember me_

_Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe_

_Red lips and rosy cheeks_

Lydia was starting to think they'd be out there all night until she felt a drop of water on her forehead, followed by another on her arm. She looked at Stiles, who grinned and shrugged. "It's sprinkling," he said.

In another couple of minutes it was pouring. "Damn!" Stiles laughed, grabbing her hand and breaking into a run across the sand.

They burst into their room laughing and soaking wet. "That," Lydia panted, "was great." She grinned at Stiles, who shook his hair out. Droplets of water went flying. She laughed. "Can't you use the bathroom for that?"

"No." He grinned. "What does it matter? We're dripping everywhere."

Lydia shook her head, still grinning. "Stiles?"

"Yeah?"

She looked at him, fully taking in the dripping wet boy standing in front of her. His dark hair was a soaked mess, his eyes bright and alive. "I... I'm glad you brought me here... You know me... A lot better than anyone else ever has... That kind of scares me sometimes."  _Stop talking, Lydia._

Stiles surveyed her for a long time before speaking. "I've always listened to what you've said," he said quietly. "No one ever understood how I could have been so sure that I cared so much for you when I rarely spoke to you but that was it. I listened to you. I knew what you wanted and what you liked and what you didn't. And... wow. That sounds so stalkerish." He gave a nervous chuckle and pushed his fingers through his tangling hair. "I just... I wanted you to be happy. Always. It's all I've ever wanted."

Lydia's breath caught. She hesitated momentarily before crossing the room to him until they were only inches apart. "Stiles," she said, her voice barely even a whisper. "I love you."

Stiles looked at her, surprise evident on his face, lips parting slowly to respond but before he could she pulled his face to her and kissed him. And he didn't have to say it back because she knew it. Of course she knew it. She felt it every time she caught him looking at her or felt his touch. She'd always know it.

_I said "No one has to know what we do,"_

_His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room_

_And his voice is a familiar sound, nothing lasts forever_

_But this is getting good now_

Lydia woke with a start, sitting up in bed. She grabbed a handful of her hair and caved in on herself, fighting back the emotion trying to get through. She'd cried enough over Stiles Stilinski, she didn't need to do it again. But she missed him. Oh, she missed him.

That night at the inn, their first night together, had been a landmark in their relationship. The first time she'd told him she loved him, the first time they'd been together, the first time he'd told her he loved her.... He'd said it to her over and over in a whisper until she'd fallen asleep in his arms.

She had needed him and he'd been there. Of course, he'd needed her too. They'd taken a hard night for both of them and turned it into something good.

Now all she had left were broken dreams of it.

_Say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams_

_In your wildest dreams_

_Even if it's just in your wildest dreams_

_In your wildest dreams_


	8. Stay Stay Stay

_You took the time to memorize me my fears my hopes and dreams_ __  
I just like hanging out with you all the time  
All those times that you didn't leave it's been occuring to me I would like to hang out with you for my whole life  
  
Stay and I'll be loving you for quite some time  
No one else is gonna love me when I get mad mad mad  
So I think that it's best if we both stay stay stay stay

"Hey guys!" Scott planted a quick kiss on Kira's lips before turning to grin at Lydia. "You're late."

"Had to pick the perfect outfit." She flashed him a grin. "You know me."

"It sure as hell paid off," Stiles said easily.

Silence flitted among them as she looked at Stiles slowly, unsure of what to say to that. He stared back at her and then nodded his head slowly and shrugged as if to say  _well, no use crying over spilled milk._  "So. Can you believe it? One year, guys. It has been a year since the day I thought I would  _never_  see and-"

"Save it for your toast, loud mouth," said a new voice. Stiles leapt a foot in the air and spun around to see that Derek had showed up behind him.

He let out a breath and grabbed his chest. "Rude!" he spluttered. "Rude. And what toast? I did not sign up for a damn toast."

Derek laughed. "I'm kidding, Stiles. No toast." He slapped him on the shoulder and pulled Lydia into a hug, followed by Kira. "Glad you could make it."

Two years ago, Lydia wouldn't have known what to make of Derek hugging her. But things had changed and the werewolf had softened a great deal into what she could only imagine (and what Cora had said) he had been like before the fire, before his entire life changed, before his life became about surviving and not about living.

"Congratulations," she said.

"Thanks. Honestly, I'd rather not have a party." Derek released her and rolled his eyes. "I don't do parties. But Cora insisted."

"She just got to town and it's not like she's in town often. She wants to see everyone," Kira said.

"Yeah, well, don't drag me and Braeden into it." Derek chuckled.

"Derek Hale has been married a year." Cora joined the group and raised her eyebrows at her brother. "If that isn't a reason to celebrate, I don't know what the hell is!"

She hugged Stiles first, making Lydia's gut twist in uncomfortable ways. She tried to reassure herself that, first of all, she didn't care if something happened between Stiles and Cora. And second of all, it wasn't like anything  _would_  happen.

"The Hales got huggy," Stiles joked. "I don't know how to handle this."

Cora's response was to roll her eyes and lightly hit him in the arm before moving to Lydia. Lydia couldn't help but laugh. "Don't provoke her. She could kick your ass, Stiles."

"Thank you, Lydia. I could kick his ass, even without werewolf powers."

"I hate you all."

"You love us," Lydia replied without thinking about it.

"Yeah... I do." His eyes were on her. Lydia's breath caught in her throat as she looked back at him.

"Lydia, let's go get a drink!" Kira grabbed her hand and pulled her away, reminding her once again why she loved her.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. That could have gone awkward really fast."

"I am getting sick of him doing this." Lydia crossed her arms. "He keeps acting like we're still together and we aren't. It's driving me crazy. I mean, it isn't like this isn't already hard enough!"

"Well, what do you want him to do? Awkwardly try to make conversation?"

"No. I want..." Lydia groaned. "I don't know! But it would be nice if he didn't try to pretend we didn't break up!"

"I don't think he is," Kira said gently. "I honestly think they're just slip ups."

Lydia shook her head. "It's more than that. Texting me at midnight, opening doors for me, getting me drinks when we're out, trying to pay for my things. Those are boyfriend things."

"But, Lyds... They're things he's aways done with you."

Lydia pursed her lips. "I know. I just... I need... I want..."

"I think you're wanting him to love you a little less," Kira offered.

"Yes."

"Lydia... It's Stiles... I don't think..."

"I know." Lydia groaned. "I feel like I'm being unreasonable. But he did this. He dumped me. The least he can do is give me time to get over it. And I know it's been a year! That is plenty time! But I just- I just think- I- ugh!" She groaned.

"Maybe you should tell him."

Lydia hesitated, wanting to say that it wasn't worth it. But this was a happy night, a night to celebrate, to be with friends. She didn't want this dark thing hanging over her all night. She nodded and walked into the main part of the loft. She found Stiles immediately, talking to Braeden with his arms waving wildly in the air. She made her way to him and grabbed his hand, pulling him after her.

"I'll bring him back!" she called over her shoulder to Derek's wife.

"Lydia, wha-?"

Lydia pulled him outside the door and shut it behind them then fixed him with a glare.

"I'm in trouble."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"You have to stop acting like we're together, Stiles. I can't do it anymore." To her surprise, her voice cracked.

Stiles's eyes softened. "I don't do it on purpose, Lyds," he said softly.

"That's not the point."

"Lydia, I'm learning! I've never had to do anything but show you how much you're loved! Okay? I don't know how to pretend that I'm not in-"

"I am begging you not to finish that sentence."

Stiles stopped talking, looking sadder than she ever wanted to see him, no matter how angry she might be. "Lyds... I'm sorry." He leaned against a wall and slid down it, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry." He sounded defeated, tired. "I'm trying."

Something in her broke right in that moment. She sat down beside him. "I know," she whispered, wanting to cry. "Me too. I'm sorry."

He looked at her, brown eyes still sad but with a spark of happiness that brought her hope. "Remember that time you threw your phone at my head?"

Lydia let out a watery laugh. "Mainly because you never stop reminding me."

"Well!" He grinned. "I did nothing to deserve it."

"Oh, please!" She laughed again. "We are not doing this fight again."

He smiled at her, that same smile he always gave her, like he was looking at his world. For once, it was okay with her. "But it made you laugh."

Lydia gave a small chuckle and rested her head on his shoulder. "Did you ever think it would be this hard?"

"No..." Stiles whispered, resting his cheek against the top of her head. "But that's because I never thought this would happen with you."

She almost asked why again, for the hundredth time. Almost. But she didn't. Instead she stayed.

 _Stay stay stay I've been loving you for quite some time time time_ __  
You think that it's funny when I'm mad mad mad  
But I think that it's best if we both stay stay stay stay


	9. Out of the Woods

_Looking at it now_

_It all seems so simple_

_We were lying on your couch_

_I remember_

_You took a Polaroid of us_

_Then discovered (then discovered)_

_The rest of the world was black and white_

_But we were in screaming color_

And I remember thinking...

Lydia lay on the grass, her fingertips just touching his.  _Take my hand,_  she silently willed him.  _Just take it._  She and Stiles had been getting closer and closer to something more than friendship and Lydia found herself wanting it more and more. It surprised her. She never expected this, not with Stiles.

Stiles scared her in a way that she hadn't known she could be afraid before. He was her best friend but the idea that he could be more than that was positively overwhelming, in the best way. But if she lost him it would kill her. He was too important to risk.

"Hey, Lyds?"

Lydia turned her head to look at him. The moonlight shone on his features in a way that was so flattering, it drove her crazy. The light bounced off of his beautiful, warm, amber eyes and it illuminated every wonderful mole on that handsome face. His hair looked inviting and all she wanted was to run her fingers through it. "Mmm?"

"Who would win in a fight? Scooby Doo or Bugs Bunny?"

Lydia couldn't stop a laugh from falling from her lips. "What?"

"Who would win in a fight?"

"Bugs Bunny," she replied, still hearing the laughter echoing in her voice.

"Really?"

"No contest."

"I think that's a little harsh to Scooby Doo."

"Well unless he developed a taste for rabbits, I don't think he has anything on Bugs." Lydia grinned at him, unable to believe that they were having this discussion.

"Rude!" The laughter finally ripped from Stiles, shaking his body uncontrollably.

His laugh was one of Lydia's favorite things about him. When he acted like a light hearted kid, he made her feel lighter. He was the only person who could make her feel better about the world without even trying.

"Okay. Who would win in a fight: Rachel Green or Lily Aldrin?" Lydia grinned at him. "Rachel. Hands down."

"You're just saying that because of our crush on Jennifer Aniston," she teased.

"Oh whatever! Molly Weasley or Derek?"

Lydia laughed. "Honestly? Molly."

"Yeah, she is a bad ass, isn't she?"

"She'd even get Derek," Lydia agreed. "Scott or Luke Skywalker?"

"I knew you'd seen Star Wars, you liar." Stiles grinned at her. "Luke, just because I'm bitter that Scott doesn't know who that is."

"I knew you would say that."

Stiles grinned. "Me or Han Solo?"

Lydia raised her eyebrows. "Really? Of all the people to pit yourself against you go for Han Solo?"

"I know. I made it hard for you to pity chose me."

"You did. I still chose you though."

Stiles rolled onto his side, eyes fixed on hers. "You do?"

"Well... You've been through as much as Han Solo without the weapons so I figure..." She trailed off, unsure of what to say. How could she tell him that her faith in him was as strong as her faith in the sun rising and setting? Stiles could pick a fight with anything and come out on top because that's who he was. Then he'd make it sound even more epic than it was, edit out the part where he undoubtedly stumbled, and laugh and joke about the whole thing. She could count on him to do things like that. She knew him. That was one of the most comforting parts about him. Somehow, she'd come to know Stiles better than she knew herself.

But she couldn't say any of that. Because he was looking at her with that look that he had. The one where his eyes would soften and all of the longing he had ever felt was so apparent on his face that it made her heart ache. And when he looked at her like that it was hard to say anything, let alone a truth that she couldn't even admit to the mirror.

The crushing weight of the silence was pressing on her, overwhelming her. She had to say something. She opened her mouth, still unsure of what to say, when suddenly she didn't have to speak. Stiles's lips had pressed themselves against hers and she was kissing him back. It was the most natural thing in the world and all Lydia could think of was him. She hoped this one wouldn't crash and burn.

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

"So... I'm not sure he likes me much," Stiles said slowly, following Lydia into her bedroom. "Should I be concerned about that?"

"No. My dad will come around. He always does." Lydia tossed her purse into the corner of the room. "Besides, it's not like it matters what he thinks. He gave up that right when he left."

Stiles nodded slowly and threw himself onto the bed. The frame squeaked and he winced. "Sorry." He looked at her, eyebrows furrowed as if he was studying her, which would be nothing new.

"What?" she sighed.

"What was it like when he left?" he finally asked.

Lydia's eyes widened automatically, shocked at the question. No one had ever asked her that before. Anytime her dad came up they just nodded along and helped the conversation move away from it. She had never dropped any hints that she wanted to talk about him and no one had ever asked. Now that someone was asking, she didn't feel the indignant anger that she would have expected. She actually found herself wanting to tell him everything.

She slowly sat on the very edge of the bed, hands in her lap. "It was... It was surprising." She chewed on her lower lip. "They never let me know anything was wrong so when they told me they were getting divorced.... I guess my dad cheated on my mom a few years ago and she tried to move past it but eventually she just couldn't keep it in. So she'd pick fights and get mad at him over everything and then he got sick of it and he left. I woke up one morning and went downstairs... My mom was sitting at the table with her coffee and my dad... He just wasn't there."

Stiles reached over and intertwined his fingers with hers, his palm against the back of her hand. "I'm sorry..."

"It's fine." Lydia turned her face away, putting up the wall that she'd instinctively been putting up forever.

"Lyds... It's okay if it's not...."

"No, it's not."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to be the girl that cries in the hallways or that openly hurts. I don't want people to know I'm upset. I want to be strong, not broken."

"You are strong. You're the strongest person I've ever met. But you need to break every once in a while. We all do. We're built that way. There is nothing wrong with that..."

"Really? Because you don't fall apart in hallways."

"No," Stiles said suddenly, his voice quiet. "Just in locker rooms."

Lydia turned her head to face him, mentally flashing back to another afternoon, when she'd rushed a hyperventilating boy into the locker room. He'd fallen to his knees in a heap, shaking and crying a little. "That's... that's different..."

"It isn't..." He looked at her. "Lyds, they're not exactly a rare thing. I used to get them all the time. Now it's just every now and then. But even when I'm not hyperventilating at school? I still have social anxiety. You wanna talk weak? There it is. Being too afraid to walk into a party or join a group or sit with someone new."

"You're not weak." Lydia wished she could summon more but her mind was reeling. Social anxiety? It somehow both made sense and seemed strange and impossible. "Stiles... You chased me for years... I rejected you constantly and you were still at it. You weren't afraid of me. That's strength."

"But I never asked you out."

"I never wanted you to."

Stiles flinched.

"That's not how I meant that... Stiles, I needed a friend after Jackson and you were there. You let me tell you when I was ready. You paid attention to every hint I ever dropped to know if my feelings had changed. When they had, you were there. Strength is being my friend day after day when you wanted more. And not being afraid to do so."

"Lydia, you terrified me."

"But it didn't stop you. Ever."

"It almost did a couple of times," he said quietly.

"I'm glad it didn't." Her fingertips trailed across his cheek. She looked into his eyes and then sighed softly. "I didn't even know they were fighting," she whispered. "They never let me see it, never let anyone see it. And then I woke up one morning and my mom was in the kitchen with a cup of coffee at the table. She told me my dad was no longer living with us. And the next time I saw him, he asked me who I wanted to live with. I mean what the hell was I supposed to say to that? Kids aren't supposed to pick between their parents."

Stiles gently brushed his hand through her hair. "I'm sorry, Lyds..."

"Why would he do that?" she finally asked, looking up at him. "I mean, the way he did it... He put pressure on it. "If you chose your mom, I'll understand, doll. It'll be hard to get up without your face in the morning but I'll manage." What the hell?"

Stiles pressed a kiss to her forehead silently. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. And then, to her shock, he said the words that she needed to hear most.

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered in her ear. "I'm with you for the long haul, Lydia Martin..."

Maybe she wouldn't lose him after all....

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

"You really let your room get bad this time." Lydia picked up a sock from under the bed then made a face and threw it. "Ugh. Stiles. Not okay."

He grinned at her. "It's been worse."

"I am not comforted by that." She sat up on the bed. "Are you sure I can't help?"

"Positive." Stiles tossed a shirt into his laundry hamper. "It's times like this that I wonder why people let me make my own decisions."

"To be fair, I recall your dad last week saying, "Stiles, please. For the love of God clean your room!"" For good measure, Lydia pretended to cry when voicing Sheriff Stilinski.

"The crying sound effects are unnecessary and also false." Stiles grinned at her and shook his head. "You are such a pain, Lydia Martin."

"Yes, but I'm your pain. You're welcome," she teased.

Stiles grinned back at her as he tossed a jacket on the bed next to her. "Boom. And you can officially see the floor."

"But not the bed."

"Eh, I'll stay at Scott's." Stiles grinned at her, eyes sparkling. He nodded his head to the beat of a song and started singing along, purposefully off key. Lydia grinned at him and shook her head slowly.

He dropped to his knees and slid in front of her, miming playing the electric guitar. "There's no electric guitar in this song," Lydia said with a small grin. Stiles hopped to his feet and held out his hand. "Come on." She rolled her eyes, smiling in a way that only Stiles could make her do, took his hand, and got up. He pulled her into his arms, leading her in a dance.

It was one of those things that Lydia hadn't known she'd wanted in a relationship until she'd had it. It was simultaneously comforting and fun, being in his arms and dancing around the bedroom. It was something she knew Jackson would have never done. But Stiles was different than most people.

Stiles inspired her to have more fun and relax in a way that she hadn't really thought was possible. It was the kind of thing she thought existed only in Nicholas Sparks books but it was true. Stiles was exactly what she needed. Somehow, they were in sync. They moved together, they reached the same conclusions together, they had similar tastes. But they reacted to things differently, they had some different preferences. They balanced each other out.

And yet, some part of Lydia knew that it would have to end some day because everything did. While another part of her thought she and Stiles would make it, the cynic in her was afraid to fully trust that thought. If she let her guard down, it would hurt worse when they split.

When could you tell if you'd made it?

_Are we out of the woods?_

_Are we in the clear yet?_

Are we in the clear yet?

Lydia let her head rest on his shoulder, the familiar feeling of his long fingers moving through her hair, twirling and winding the ends over his skin. She could hear his breath, reliable and strong, by her ear, feel his chest rising and falling. His long legs were stretched across his bed, her legs curled up beside them.

It was one of those moments you never wanted to end. And because of that she knew it would. Everything ended. "Stiles?" Her voice was only a whisper, shaky and insecure. She hated herself for it. She wanted to be strong and not afraid. She was tired of always being afraid. Afraid of being hurt, of being turned away or shut out.

"Yeah?" His other hand was on her back, running up and down it rhythmically.

"Do you think we'll make it?"

It was like the world froze. Stiles held his breath, chest frozen in place, hand on her back now stationary, and the other hand holding a strand of her hair. "Lyds..." And suddenly he was moving in all the wrong ways. Away from her. Lydia started to protest but stopped. He now sat on the bed, red skinny jeaned legs folded underneath him as he took her hands in both of his. "Lydia Martin. I am not going anywhere."

"Stiles, time changes things. Time can change-"

"Hey." He slid two fingers under her chin, turning her face to his. "Time has never changed how I felt about you. I have loved you since the day you first said a word to me. My heart was yours then and it still is now and it will be when I am older than the chick in Titanic."

Lydia let out a small chuckle reluctantly, trying to turn her face to the bed to hide the emotion passing over it. Stiles determinedly turned it to him again. "Hey... I mean it. Lydia Martin. I love you. I will always love you. I have always loved you. Other people might come and go but I am going to be constant. You're mine and I'm yours. Every single day, I love you more. And after ten years, you think I won't fight for you? No matter what comes our way I will be fighting for us. I will never give up or turn my back on you or us. I'm betting on us. Wait here." He got to his feet and went to his desk. He pulled out a bunch of red yarn, cut some, and came back. As he sat back down, he said, "Hold out your hand."

She did as she was told and watched him tie a small piece around her ring finger. "Lydia Martin," he said quietly, looking in her eyes, her hand in his, "I promise you that I will be yours forever. My heart belongs to you. I am not going anywhere. I love you. I will love you until the day I die and every day after because a love like this doesn't die. You're my partner in crime, my friend, and my soulmate. I am completely yours." Overwhelmed with emotion, Lydia took his hands and kissed him softly. This was it. They were out of the woods.

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

_Are we out of the woods?_

_Are we in the clear yet?_

_Are we in the clear yet?_

_Are we in the clear yet?_

_In the clear yet?_

Good

 


	10. Sparks Fly

_Get me with those green eyes, baby_

_As the lights go down_

_Gimme something that'll haunt me whenever you're not around_

_'Cause I see, sparks fly, when you smile_

"Hi, Mrs. Stilinski..." Lydia Martin slowly stepped into the room. "I just wanted to say hi..."

Claudia smiled at her. "Lydia! Oh, how wonderful to see you!" Natalie Martin led Lydia further in the room. "Hi, Natalie."

"Hi, Claudia. How do you feel?"

"I'm alright."

"She's a superhero," Stiles reported. "Dad's Batman and Mom's Wonderwoman." He smiled proudly at Claudia. She'd be okay. He knew because she was invincible.

"He's right," Lydia said after a short moment. Stiles looked at her and felt a warm smile pull its way across his face. He shouldn't be surprised. Lydia was one of the nicest people he knew. Who else would sit with him while he cried in the hallway, even when it made her late for class?

"What superhero do you want to be?" Claudia asked her, smiling warmly.

"Ariel." Lydia smiled proudly and Natalie sighed and shook her head.

"Ariel's not a superhero," Stiles said before he could stop himself.

Lydia gave him a cutting look. "She could be." Stiles decided it was best not to argue and simply nodded and gave her a smile. Lydia turned away from him and the moment her eyes found Claudia's her smile returned. "You'll be okay." She hugged her. "You're my favorite teacher, Mrs. Stilinski."

"Thank you, honey..." Stiles watched as they continued to chat.

After about a half an hour, Natalie took Lydia's hand. "We should let her rest, honey."

"I'll be back to see you. You can do this," Lydia promised, giving her another hug. Her mom started to lead her out but at the last minute, Lydia pulled away and ran back. She pulled Stiles into a hug, much to his surprise. "You can do it too," she whispered in his ear before letting go. She gave him a small smile before following her mom out.

"She's such a nice girl," Claudia said.

"I'm going to marry her," Stiles told her, still looking after Lydia Martin.

Claudia smiled at him. "I'm sure, honey. I wish I could be there to see it."

"You will be," Stiles insisted.

She gave him a fond smile. "Well, at least I've met her. I like Lydia."

"Yeah." Stiles nodded. "Me too. Just give me ten years. She'll be in love with me."

His mom laughed softly but Stiles couldn't figure out what was so funny.

_I run my fingers through your hair_

_And watch the lights go wild_

_Just keep on keeping your eyes on me_

_Its just wrong enough to make it feel right_

_And lead me up the staircase_

_Won't you whisper soft and slow_

_And I'm captivated by you baby_

_Like a fireworks show_

**_Stiles. I love you._ **

Stiles lay in bed, staring at the ceiling as the rain pounded against it, echoing in the small room. He rolled onto his side and stared at the beautiful girl lying beside him. She was in his shirt, hair spread out around her, looking so peaceful that it was hard to think she ever got angry.

_Stiles. I love you._

She loved him. Lydia Martin was in love with him and Stiles had to wonder how in the hell he had ever gotten her to fall for him. He was a spastic, hyperactive nerd. And yet Lydia had let him see the side of her that was as weird as he was. She opened up to him. Because she loved him.

_Stiles. I love you._

He felt the ghost of a smile flicker across his face as she cuddled into him more. He let his hand slide up and down her back, eyes fixed on the top of her head. She loved him. She really loved him.

He was so in love with her that it made his head spin. He knew that someday, he'd be lying next to her when they were in their eighties and he'd still be wondering how in the world he got her to be his. "I love you," he whispered, fingers playing with her hair carefully. "I will always love you. I'm yours, Lyds... I always will be."

_And you stood there in front of me just_

_Close enough to touch_

_Close enough to hope you couldn't see_

_What I was thinking of_

"Come on." Stiles grinned as he jogged ahead, glancing over his shoulder at her. She was speed walking instead of running, eyebrows raised.

"Where are we going?"

"It's not a surprise date if I tell you!" Stiles stopped to wait for her, bouncing a little. "Come on," he whined at her.

Lydia laughed. "How old are you again?"

"I'm just excited. Come on." He grabbed her hand and started running. She ran behind him, laughing. There was no sound better than Lydia Martin's laugh. Their feet pounded off of cement and onto the grass as they reached the park. Stiles slowed to a walk and grinned at her. "This is it."

"The playground?"

"Yeah. Lydia Martin, we are growing down for the night."

"That's not a thing,"

"Growing down? I'm pretty sure it's a thing."

She grinned at him and shook her head. "Okay."

"Trust me. You'll love it." He grinned at her and started walking backwards towards the park. "Come on. You can even do the monkey bars. You're totally short enough."

Lydia laughed. "That does it." He started running, Lydia hot on his tail. Once he hit the sand, he reached up and grabbed the monkey bars to swing himself up onto the jungle gym. He grinned at her.

"Screw you, I'm swinging." Lydia winked and started towards the swings Stiles grinned after her.

"Ah, come on. I love the swings!"

"Then you better hurry." She kicked off her heels and hopped on a swing. Stiles leaped off of the jungle gym and ran behind her, grabbing the swing and running with it in an underdog. Lydia shrieked with surprise and laughed. "Stiles!"

Laughing, he sat on his swing and got it in motion. "I wouldn't let you fall!"

"A little warning!" She was laughing hard enough that she slowed her swing to ensure not falling off.

"I like taking you by surprise."

She laughed again and Stiles grinned. This was a good choice. In fact, if Lydia laughed this much here maybe they should come every night.

_My mind forgets to remind me, you're a bad idea_

_You touch me once and it's really something_

_You find I'm even better than you, imagined I would be_

_I'm on my guard for the rest of the world_

_But with you I know it's no good_

_And I could wait patiently_

_But I really wish you would_

"I totally knew this would blow up in their faces," Stiles said, motioning at the tv. A couple pieces of popcorn went flying. "Ooops."

"Smooth," Lydia giggled, kicking her feet into his lap. He grinned at her cheekily and rubbed her legs. "Well, obviously they'll fix it."

"Spoiler alert," Stiles said with a grin.

"Oh come on, it's a romantic comedy." Lydia grinned at him. "It's not hard."

He grinned. "Pssh, sure. There could be a plot twist. Like a zombie attack."

"Yeah, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days ends with zombies. How'd you know?" Lydia asked dryly.

"I knew it." Stiles grabbed another handful of popcorn. "Hey, he's reading the article. Now he's moving. Oh awesome. They'll fix it and-"

"Sssh." Lydia stared at the tv with rapt attention.

"What?"

"Ssh!"

"Did you just shush me?"

"Shut up!"

Stiles grinned and paused it. "Why? Every time we watch a romantic movie and we near the end you shush me. What is it?"

Lydia heaved a sigh and looked up at him. "Okay. So... I have this thing. I like the big romantic gestures at the end. Like airport chases. Stuff like that. The huge gestures, running after someone, declaring love, putting a huge sign in their window, you know? The stuff that'll never happen."

"It could happen."

"Please." Lydia rolled her eyes. "Can I watch him chase Kate Hudson now?"

Stiles grinned softly and pressed play, making a mental note to do a big romantic gesture someday.

_Drop everything now_

_Meet me in the pouring rain_

_Kiss me on the sidewalk_

_Take away the pain_

_'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile_


	11. New Romantics

_We're all bored_ __  
We're all so tired of everything  
We wait for trains that just aren't coming  
We show off our different scarlet letters  
Trust me mine is better  
We're so young that we're on the road to ruin  
We play dumb  
But we know exactly what we're doing

"Are you sure about this?"

Stiles hesitated before putting another plaid shirt in his duffel bag. "Yeah. Absolutely. It's just a weekend."

"Stiles..." Melissa pursed her lips. "I don't want to see you get...."

"Hurt?" Stiles threw her a smile, lifting his eyebrows slightly. "Little late for that Melissa. Look, Scott and Kira have been planning the four of us doing this for a year."

"And then you two broke up. You don't have to go."

Stiles smiled at her, honestly touched by how much this wonderful woman cared about him and Lydia both. "We'll be okay," he said gently. "Thank you."

She let out a small sigh and nodded. "Call me if you need to talk."

"We're not going far," he said softly, smiling at her. "If something happens and I need to talk, you will be the first number I call." He kissed her on the cheek as he walked through the door. "We'll see you Monday, Mom," he called over his shoulder without thinking about it.

"What took so long?" Scott asked as Stiles got into the Jeep beside him.

Stiles grinned at him. "Your mom was worried about me and Lydia."

"Are you gonna be okay? You don't have to-"

"Scott." Stiles held up his hand. "I want to come. We have been talking about this trip for ages. We are not cancelling."

Scott hesitated again before nodding. "Okay. Let's get the girls."

 _Cause baby I could build a castle_  
Out of all the bricks they threw at me  
And every day it's like battle  
But every night with us is like a dream  
Baby we're the new romantics  
Come on, come along with me  
Heart break is the national anthem  
We sing it proudly  
We are too busy dancing  
To get knocked off our feet  
Baby we're the new romantics  
The best people in life are free

"I want to play a game," Stiles complained.

"Like what? I Spy?" Lydia lifted her eyebrows at him, lips raised in an amused smile.

Kira laughed. "License Plate game?"

"Screw you guys." Stiles grinned into the rearview mirror. "I want amusement in something I haven't played before."

Scott grinned at him. "I have no idea what you want us to suggest bud."

"Don't bud me, you ginormous pain in the ass." Stiles reached over and shoved him on the shoulder before returning his hand to the wheel. Just a moment later, however, he drove under a yellow stoplight and moved his hand from the wheel again, kissed two fingers, and placed them on the ceiling of the Jeep.

"What was that?" Kira asked, raising her eyebrows.

Lydia and Scott both laughed. "Stiles has a tick," Scott explained. "Anytime he goes under a yellow light he kisses two fingers and puts them on the ceiling. It's good luck."

"It keeps cops away," Lydia told her. "Not that it helps him, Mr. 17 tickets."

"Okay but they aren't legit tickets. I just got warnings."

"Because of your father," Lydia reminded him.

"That's it." Scott grinned around the car. "That's the game."

"See how fast Stiles can go without going to prison?" Lydia asked.

Stiles laughed. "I don't like any of you. You all suck."

Kira grinned and leaned between Scott and Stiles. "So what's the game?"

"Yellow lights."

"Wow, that's awesome. We already went through one. I'm amused already." Stiles immediately served his torso to the side, barely avoiding Scott's playful hit.

"Maybe don't hit the driver," Kira offered nervously.

"My game," Scott said determinedly. "Is that when we go through a yellow light we have to do Stiles's tick. The last one to do it-"

"Dies," Stiles interrupted.

"Has to lick the floor," Lydia offered at the same time. They both laughed.

Stiles threw her a grin over his shoulder. "That's disgusting."

She winked. "It's what I do." She saw Stiles's eyes resting on her for longer than they should, especially since he was driving, and forced herself to look at Kira instead of him. She missed the days where she could just lean towards him and plant a soft, small kiss on the back of his neck. She missed being able to smell him and only him, missed feeling his skin on her lips.

"The last one to do it," Scott reiterated, "has to take off a piece of clothing." The vehicle erupted into cheering and whoops.

"Oh, hell yes," Stiles said. "That's hilarious."

"I feel like he has an unfair advantage," Lydia said, kneeing the back of Stiles's seat playfully.

"Not really," Scott said. "His attention span sucks."

Stiles gave a short bellow of laughter and outrage. "'If I wasn't driving-"

"Thank God you remember that you are driving," Lydia shot back.

" _Ohhhh_!" chorused Scott and Kira.

Stiles grinned at her from the rearview. "It's on, Strawberry. It's on."

Lydia smirked at him. "Bring it."

"We can play hot seat while waiting for the lights," Kira offered.

"I have no idea what that is," Stiles told her.

"We pick one person and then hit them with all kinds of odd questions. We get five questions, they get one veto."

Scott grinned and looked at Stiles, eyebrows raised. "What do you say?"

"I say that this is not how I wanted to be forced to reveal our secret relationship," Stiles said.

"It's time," Scott replied dramatically.

Lydia laughed. "Shut up. I say that because he is such a pain in the ass, Stiles goes first."

"Weirdest place you've had sex!" Scott nearly shouted.

Stiles's eyes widened and he gave a tiny glance at Lydia. She immediately regretted nominating him, wondering why she hadn't been prepared for sexual questions to be fired. Kira grimaced at her and awkwardly started drinking her Coke.

"Ve..."

"Don't waste the veto, Stilinski," Lydia said. "It's fine. I'll just rat you out for something later." She gave him a challenging grin and leaned up to pat him on the cheek. "Have fun, tiger. Make it good."

Stiles looked surprised but impressed. He grinned. "Okay. Dad's office."

Kira nearly spit her coke out, instead managing to swallow and then falling into a coughing fit. "Oh my gosh!"

"You animal!" Scott laughed. "That is sick! Was anyone there?"

"No!" Stiles said. "I'm insulted at the-"

"Yes," Lydia replied. "Don't get caught lying, Stiles. Play it smart."

"There wasn't anyo-" Stiles's eyes widened and his mouth fell open. "Oh my gosh. I forgot. Yes..."

"Who?" Kira asked.

"That's question three," Stiles said. "Are you sure you want to waste-"

"Trust us," Scott said. "This is no waste."

Stiles groaned. "Liam."

"No!" Scott laughed. "Poor kid!"

"He wasn't technically inside the building!" Stiles said quickly. "he was in the Jeep! We told him to stay there and we went to get a file and-"

"Does he know?" Scott demanded.

"No idea," Stiles replied.

"That's gold," Scott chortled.

Kira grinned and leaned forward. "Did you ever forget to use protection?"

"That time. We didn't have any."

Lydia couldn't help but wonder why she didn't feel mortified at this conversation. All she knew was that she felt fine with it. She was with her friends, they were talking and joking, things felt normal. For once it didn't feel like she was with her two friends and her ex-boyfriend. She was just with her three best friends.

"Animals!" Scott cried out jovially.

"I hate you sometimes," Stiles told him.

"Worth it," Scott replied.

"Yeah, yeah. Next hot seat."

Lydia grinned to herself as she saw the stoplight switch to yellow. She glanced at Kira, who also had her eyes on it. Scott threw a quick glance to it then looked back at Stiles, who looked like he hated his life but was not paying attention.

They passed through and, immediately, the other three had their fingers resting on the ceiling.

It took a minute before Stiles realized what had happened. He cursed and then gave a small grin. "I hate you all." He slowed at a red light and then tossed his shoes into the back.

 _We're all here_ __  
The lights and noise are blinding  
We hang back  
It's all in the timing  
It's poker, you can't see in my face  
But I'm about to play my ace

Lydia had never been more grateful to be good at a game. But as they rolled into the parking lot, she still had the majority of her clothes on. Since she had been wearing a dress, if she'd lost only a couple of times she would have had nothing left. But instead, she had only had to abandon her shoes and jacket. Kira hastily pulled her shirt back on and then her shoes. Scott had to do the same, while poor Stiles had to put on virtually everything except for underwear.

Scott had found a cute vineyard Inn that they would stay at. It was fairly affordable, especially since it was just for one night. Scott and Kira would share a room and Stiles and Lydia would each have their own.

Stiles went to the back and started pulling the suitcases out as Lydia came around beside him and Scott and Kira went inside to get the room keys. "That was fun," Lydia said, leaning against the Jeep.

Stiles smiled and nodded. "It was."

Lydia bit her lip and glanced up at him. "Can I ask a question?"

"Sure."

"Why did you veto the question about your first time?"

Stiles slowly let out a breath as he shut the back of the Jeep. "Because... That night at the motel with you was the best night of my life. And it's ours. I didn't want to laugh about it or make jokes about it. It's serious to me. It's important."

A small smile pulled at her lips. "I'm glad you did that."

He met her gaze and returned the smile. "Me too."

"Guys, we have a slight change of plans." Scott walked out of the hotel. "They messed up the reservation. We have two rooms instead of three, so Kira and Lydia can room together and Stiles and I-"

"No," Stiles and Lydia said together. They both looked at each other, eyebrows furrowed with surprise.

"This place is cute and romantic," Lydia said slowly. "I don't want you to miss out on that on our account."

"Yeah." Stiles nodded. "We've shared a room before. We'll be totally fine."

"Yeah," Lydia said slowly. "Absolutely fine."

 _Please take my hand_ __  
And please take me dancing  
And please leave me stranded, it's so romantic


	12. Wonderland

_Flashing lights and we_   
_Took a wrong turn and we_   
_Fell down a rabbit hole._

_You held on tight to me_   
_'Cause nothing's as it seems_   
_I'm spinning out of control_

"I bet it's a nice room," Stiles was saying as Lydia led the way through the hallway. "So we don't have two beds. We can always make a fort for me. I love sleeping in forts."

Lydia opened the door to the room and her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh my."

"What?"

"There was a mix up in the lobby. There was definitely a mix up in the lobby."

"How so?" Stiles swerved his head so that he could see past her and then his jaw hit the floor. "No."

The first thing that he noticed was that the bed was in the shape of a heart. The second thing was the stripper pole in the middle of the room. The third was the swing in the corner. The fourth was the bar by the window.

"I'm going to go ask them about the mix up," he said, eyes wide.

"Please do. Oh, please do."

As Stiles started walking away, he tried to stop himself from laughing but a small snort came out anyway. "Don't laugh!" Lydia called after him. "It's not funny."

"It's sort of funny," he half muttered.

"Stiles."

"It's hilarious."

"Stiles."

He glanced over his shoulder and grinned to himself at the sight of her trying hard not to laugh. She was smiling and giving him a playful glare. "Go. Go so I won't have bad dreams."

"That room will give me good dreams."

"Stiles!"

He laughed and went into the elevator.

_Didn't they tell us don't rush into things?_   
_Didn't you flash your green eyes at me?_   
_Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?_

_Oh_

_Didn't it all seem new and exciting?_   
_I felt your arms twisting around me_   
_I should have slept with one eye open at night_

Lydia rolled her eyes and hesitated before going into the room. Maybe it was out of curiosity, she wasn't sure. But as she looked around and picked up a pair of edible- Well, that answered _that_ question. It was definitely curiosity.

"Who would eat this? The consistency must be disgusting," she muttered.

"so, bad news." Stiles walked into the room. "They said that- Are you holding edible-"

"So not the point." She put them down. "Not the point."

"It is a little," Stiles muttered to himself. "Anyway, okay, sooo.... They're overbooked. So they can't give us a normal room so..."

"So we're staying in Christian Grey's lair?"

"Yup." Stiles stared around the room for a minute and then a grin spread across his face. "I have an idea. You see that pole?"

"You mean the huge, daunting stripper pole? It's hard not to, Stiles."

"We're gonna use it."

Lydia stared at him; he gave her a very Grinch-like grin.

_But there were strangers watching_   
_And whispers turned to talking_   
_And talking turned to screams._

_Oh_

_Didn't they tell us don't rush into things?_   
_Didn't you flash your green eyes at me?_   
_Didn't you calm my fears with a Cheshire cat smile?_

_Oh_

"This was smart."

"I told you."

"Optimum use for a stripper pole."

"Isn't it though?"

Lydia lay on her back and looked up at the ceiling made of blankets. They had tied blankets around the pole and then connected them to chairs, making a fairly large tent. Then they put blankets and pillows inside. It was a nice setup, Stiles had to admit.

Lydia ran a hand over her face as she started giggling. "Can you believe this room? Seriously. This is something out of one of my mom's romance novels."

"Including the broken up couple," Stiles threw in before he could stop himself.

Lydia glanced at him then turned her eyes back to the ceiling. "Yeah... I guess so."  
  
Stiles looked at her. "It wasn't because I wanted to be single."

"What?" Lydia turned to him, taken aback. "What wasn't?"

"The reason why I broke up with you. Melissa said you were probably thinking it was because I wanted to go after other girls, have my options open. I didn't." The words were pouring from his mouth, he couldn't stop it. He wanted to but he couldn't. He could have told her everything right there.   
  
But he didn't.

Lydia bit her lip then nodded. "Okay."

"Did you think that?" He whispered, afraid of the answer almost as much as he was afraid of not knowing.

Lydia looked up at the blankets. "Stiles... Come on. That isn't... We don't need to talk about that."

Stiles shook his head. "I have to know."

"It crossed my mind."

That was the moment that his heart shattered even more. Had he done such a bad job that Lydia thought that he didn't want to be with her forever? Had she thought that he needed more? She was all he wanted, all he'd ever wanted.

"Stiles..." She was watching him and he suddenly realized that the pain he felt was probably evident on his face. "The feeling never lasted long. I knew better than that. It was just a feeling. Not something I truly thought."

He nodded but didn't feel convinced. "Yeah... Okay."

"It's okay," she said quietly.

"Is it?" He asked quietly. "Is it really?"

Lydia watched him for a couple of minutes before whispering, "Do you remember when Prada got so excited that she peed on you?"

Stiles couldn't help but smile. "Yes."

"I always liked how you handled it..."

"I wasn't gonna get angry... She was happy to see me, it's not like it's a big deal." He smiled. "I love that dog."

"Me too." Lydia fell quiet before whispering, "she's getting old."

"I know..."

"It probably won't... It won't be..."

"Lydia..."

"Dogs only live so long," she whispered.

Stiles pulled her into his arms and stroked her hair, forgetting that they had broken up, that he wasn't supposed to do things like this. Because all that mattered was keeping Lydia safe and happy. It was all he wanted. He just wanted to comfort her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Me too." Her voice cracked. She looked up at him and their eyes locked. All Stiles could think about was her insane beauty in every way.

And then she did the most shocking thing.

She kissed him.

He responded instantly, tightening his arms around her and kissing her back, needing her to be closer, always closer. She deepened the kiss hungrily and it wasn't long before they had taken he next step.

But then, suddenly, they weren't kissing at all.

Stiles was back to the real world, staring into Lydia's eyes. She hadn't kissed him. He only wished she had.

He kissed her forehead and pulled her closer. "Things are gonna be okay."

"How do you know?"

"Because things can't stay bad forever, Lyds..."

She looked up at him. "Things aren't all bad," she murmured. Stiles's heart swelled and he pulled her closer again, wanting only to keep her safe in this crazy world.

_I reached for you but you were gone_   
_I knew I had to go back home_   
_You search the world for something else to make you feel like what we had_   
_And in the end in wonderland we both went mad._

_Oh_

_We found wonderland_   
_You and I got lost in it_   
_And we pretended it could last forever (last forever)_   
_Eh eh_   
_We found wonderland_   
_You and I got lost in it (got lost in it)_   
_And life was never worse but never better (never better)_   
_Eh eh_


	13. Blank Space/All You Had to Do Was Stay

_So it's gonna be forever_

_Or it's gonna go down in flames_

_You can tell me when it's over_

If the high was worth the pain

Stiles paced around at the sidewalk for what seemed like years. "Don't be a chickenshit," he muttered. "Don't be a chickenshit. Ah, I'm such a chickenshit." He groaned and ran his hands through his hair.

"Just like one minute. Just one minute of courage," he grumbled to himself. "On three. One, two, three, go." He grabbed his phone and then stopped and stared at it. With a groan his arm dropped to his side. "Okay, well, that's okay. I said on three, not on go. Here we go. On three. One, two, three."

Taking a deep breath, Stiles grabbed his phone and called Lydia.

"Stiles?"

He slowly let out the breath he'd ended up holding as he heard her voice. "Lyds. Hey. So. Wanna go for a walk?"

There was a long pause. A long pause. It was torture. Finally, she said, "Sure. I can do that."

"Great. I'm outside."

"I know. I've been watching you pace for the last half hour." The amusement was clear in her voice.

"Right. Of course you have."

"I'll be right down."

Lydia came out of the house a couple of minutes later, giving him a wary, amused smile. "Took you long enough."

Stiles grinned softly and ducked his head. "You could have called me."

"I could have. But I didn't." She grinned at him. "It was too amusing. Where are we going?"

"Anywhere." After a few minutes, Stiles altered his statement. "Want to go to the park?" Lydia gave a half shrug of agreement and they continued to walk in silence.

Finally, Stiles said, "Any friends at college?"

"A couple. There's this guy, Brad. You'd like him."

Stiles bit back the comment he wanted to make, that he seriously doubted that. Who the hell was Brad and what was he doing with Lydia? Were they just friends? Was it more? Could it be more? There were a million questions swirling around his head.

"You're different," Lydia said, her eyes observing him with the old guarded expression she used to use on him and everyone else.

He narrowed his eyes curiously as he stepped onto the grass of the park. "How so?" he asked slowly.

"I don't know," she said slowly. "I know how to read you. You've changed your mind about something. There's something in your demeanor that's different. Something... Something you think is important."

He felt his heart skip a beat. "Is it bad?"

"I'm not sure yet." Lydia led him towards the jungle gym.

_Cause we're young and we're reckless_

_We'll take this way too far_

_It'll leave you breathless_

Or with a nasty scar

_I've been picking up the pieces of the mess you made_

_People like you always want back the love they pushed aside_

_But people like me are gone forever_

_When you say goodbye_

Lydia let her bare feet rest on the sand, just barely letting her swing move back and forth. "I haven't just gone to a park in ages."

Stiles was quiet beside her for a moment before asking, "Since we went?"

"Yeah." She looked at Stiles, barely turning her head to him, and let herself watch him. He was looking at the moon, that faraway, yet focused look in his eyes. She loved that look. He'd look at his board like that, or his homework, or, sometimes, her. Sometimes she'd snap at him when she saw him studying her but even then it was nice- to look over and know he was watching, that even when they weren't in conversation, he wanted to know what was going on in her head. It scared her- that she wanted someone to know every part of her.

Unable to take it anymore, she pushed herself back and threw the swing into motion. She'd never be able to do this with anyone but Stiles. He brought out the part of her that yearned to be a kid again. She couldn't imagine going to a park with anyone else.

The swing set squeaked as Stiles kicked his into gear as well and soon they were racing to see who could get the highest. It wasn't long before they were both laughing and if Lydia let herself, she could almost believe that they were still together, that he had never broken up with her. But to forget would be to open up again and she just couldn't do that. Not after her promised not to leave and did. Never again would she trust him like that. She couldn't.

But she could have this moment, couldn't she? She could just stay in this moment, where the pain wasn't as fresh, wasn't forcing them to a painful battlefield.

Lydia threw him a sly grin before shouting, "Whoever jumps furthest?"

"Are you kidding?"

"One."

"No way."

"Two."

"On three or go?"

"Go! Three! Go!" Lydia threw herself from the swing and landed right on Stiles. He grunted and she propped herself up, leaning over him. "Oh my gosh, are you okay?" She couldn't stop the giggle from escaping, just like he couldn't stop his grin.

"Yeah..."

"Why did you jump early?"

"I went at go."

"No, I went at go."

"I went at the first go."

"Well, no one goes one, two, go." Lydia let her head fall on his chest, laughter making her giddy. This moment, right here, was the moment she wanted to be in for the rest of her life.

"At least I wasn't being a chickenshit." His hand brushed her cheek. Lydia's heart jumped at the contact and she looked up at him slowly. The grin was gone and now he was looking at her with a look of soft yearning, love, passion. "I think I'm through being a chickenshit, Lyds...."

"Good," she breathed.

He hesitated for just a moment before words began to pour from his lips as if he were afraid of chickening out. "I'm so sorry I broke up with you. I shouldn't have. I didn't want to. I felt like I didn't have a choice. I was a stupid, scared teenager. But I'm not now. I learned. I love-"

" _No_." Lydia sat up, pulling herself away from him, away from the words she'd dreamed of for the past year. "Stop."

"Why? Stiles sat up. "Lydia, I love you. I know I hurt you but maybe I can fix-"

"Stiles, you can't fix this!" Tears stung her eyes and she wanted to get rid of them. _I will not cry. I will not cry._

"Let me try. Lydia, I'm ready to tell you why."

She froze and thought about it for a moment. "Okay," she said slowly. "Talk."

"It's no one's fault but mine. No one broke us up but me. I know that. I acknowledge it. But your dad talked to me."

"You listened to my dad? Did he tell you to break up with me?"

"Yes. But Lydia, list-"

"I can't believe you would listen to my father! I told you about him! I told you!" She got to her feet, the urge to cry growing stronger with every second. She grabbed her shoes off of the sand and started to walk away.

"Lydia, wait. Wait!" Stiles was following her. "Shit, Lydia, wait. Please. I know it was stupid. I... He told me you could do better, okay? And he's right so-"

"I hate it when people say that!" Lydia spun around to face him. "I hate it! What is wrong with you? I'm the one who picks what I want. You don't get to decide if I should have you or the guy I met on the subway or fucking Chris Pine! I get to choose that! Not you!"

"I know that now! I know!" Stiles's eyes were desperate, wild. He shook his head. "I know! I was stupid and I was wrong! I was insecure and I thought you'd figure out that you deserved better and you'd leave me! Okay?"

"You're so stupid!" She spat the last word with as much venom as she had the energy to muster, clenching her fist to try to stop the tears that were starting to roll down her face. "I wouldn't have left you! I love you! I was yours Stiles! I felt safe with you! Do you know how amazing that is? You had me! After all those years you finally got me! I wasn't going anywhere! I was waiting for you to! And then you didn't and I thought I was safe. I thought I was safe!"

"You are safe!"

"Not with you." She knew the words broke his heart, she could see it on his face. His amber eyes widened just slightly, his eyebrows knitting together in hurt, tears welling in his eyes. _Good,_ she thought bitterly. _You can hurt like I do._ But she didn't want that and that made her angrier. "I hate you."

"No, you don't," he whispered.

"If not this is the closest I've ever gotten," she lied bitterly.

"Lydia, I wanted to protect you. He said that you've done so well in school with a boyfriend you should have a right to do it without one so-"

"So you made that decision for me? Fuck you both."

"I told him that. I swore at him in a grocery store. I stood up to him and I realized, finally, what I did. I'm so sorry. Please. I want to fix it. I want to be with you. I love you."

"I can't trust you." Lydia backed away from him, feeling more tears sliding down her cheeks. "I don't trust you. I won't. I still love you but it's not enough. You could have stayed. If you had just stayed with me, Stiles, I would have been yours for the rest of our lives. You had me. And you lost me. Don't come back now. It's too late. I'm already gone."

"Lydia, wait. Please." Stiles stepped towards her, eyes brimming with tears. She waited and he opened his mouth but no words came out.

"See? You don't know how to fix this either. We're done, Stiles. There's no more of us dating. We can be friends, maybe, but not how we were. I can't let you in again. You promised me that you weren't going to leave, that you were different. You were wrong." She started to walk away then stopped, turned back to him and said simply, "This is what you wanted, Stiles." She shook her head and walked away from the boy she loved.

_Hey, all you had to do was stay_

_Had me in the palm of your hand_

_Man, why'd you have to go and lock me out when I let you in_

_Stay, hey, now you say you want it_

_Back, now that it's just too late_

_Well could've been easy, all you had to do was stay_

_All you had to do was stay_

_All you had to do was stay_

_All you had to do was stay_

_All you had to do was stay_

_Let me remind you, this was what you wanted_

_You ended it_


	14. Red

_Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly_   
_Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall_   
_Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all_

Stiles rolled onto his stomach and hugged his pillow, looking out his window. _This is what you wanted_.

 _No, it's not. I never wanted this,_ he'd wanted to say. He wanted to explain but he'd already explained. It had done nothing except make things worse. Whether he'd wanted it or not, he'd already caused it. He couldn't turn back the clock.

His phone rang out beside him and he lifted his head, barely, to look at it then dropped his head back on the pillow. He was too tired to answer it. He didn't want to pretend to be alright. It wasn't all right. He'd hurt her so much worse than he'd even thought. He slowly let out a breath and thought back to a time long, long ago.

_"Stiles, look at me. Look at me. Stiles..."_

Fuck. He pulled the covers over his head and burrowed further in his bed as his phone started ringing again. It was really over. She would never kiss him again, never hold him through a panic attack, never run her perfect fingers through his hair. They were over.

His mind rushed through so many things that he would miss. Things like her giggle, her smile, the way she would bite her lip before motioning for him to come closer, the feel of her skin, the smell of her hair, the way she said his name...

The door opened and Stiles groaned. "Go away," he muttered, tightening his grip on the covers. "I'm not hungry."

"Oh, yes, you are." Scott sat on the bed next to him. "Open up."

"No."

"Let me rephrase. Open up or I will kill you and cook you in my werewolf oven."

Stiles peeked over the top of the covers. "I'm not amused."

"But you're looking at me." Scott held up a container of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. "It's time."

"Do boys do that?" Stiles reluctantly pushed himself into a sitting position.

"I don't know." Scott opened it and handed Stiles a spoon. "But we are men. And men are not afraid to cry into their ice cream." Stiles gave a small smile despite himself and pushed the spoon into the ice cream. "Kira told me. How bad was it?"

"She hates me."

"You know that's not true." Scott took a bite of ice cream. "She loves you."

"It doesn't matter. She doesn't trust me." Stiles stared at his spoon. "I used to be the one person she'd cry in front of. Now she... Now she..." He thought of Lydia pushing herself away from him on the grass. "I really messed up."

"Yeah." Scott nodded. "You did. But you know what? You can come back from it."

"Please," Stiles scoffed.

_You are safe!_

_Not with you._

That was the worst part of the whole thing. She wasn't safe with him, it was true. He was supposed to protect her, not abandon her. He told her over and over that he wasn't going to go anywhere. He was going to protect her. He was going to take care of her.

"Stiles..." Scott put a hand on his shoulder. "You're shaking."

"I'm so stupid," Stiles whispered, tears welling in his eyes. "I should have fought harder for her last night."

"So... I have a question," Scott said quietly. "Why is it too late?"

Stiles looked up at him, his mind and heart going a thousand miles an hour.

  
_Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes_   
_Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go_   
_But moving on from him is impossible_   
_When I still see it all in my head_   
_In burning red_   
_Burning, it was red_

"Do you feel any better?" Kira rested her chin on her hand.

"Yeah," Lydia said, sipping her milkshake. "No... No. I don't." She leaned back against the booth and stared at the diner door. A part of her wished he'd come in but she wasn't sure why. She wouldn't change her mind. It wouldn't make the pain stop to see him. It was in no way a good thing to happen. But she still yearned for it.

"Did I do the right thing?" she asked before she could stop herself. When Kira bit her lip instead of replying right away, Lydia grimaced. "Maybe I don't want to hear this."

"I don't know," Kira said slowly. "I understand why you did it. But Lydia... He does love you. He's always loved you."

"That's not enough."

"I know. There's more than love. There's friendship, for example. Which you have," Kira said gently. "And memories and a bond that can't be broken." She bit her lip. "You know... There's this thing in mythology. It's called the red string of fate. It's a string that connects two people. The string can tangle but it will never break. It's, well, their fate. There's this old story that goes with it that this little boy found an old man sitting with a book. The boy asked him what he was reading. The man told him that it was the book of marriages and that all he had to do was take one red string in his bag to connect two people and destine them to be together. The boy did not believe him, so the old man took him to the village and pointed out a young girl. He then told him that that girl was going to be his wife someday. The boy was angry because he was young and planned on never marrying. He threw a rock at the girl and ran away. Years later, the boy was now a man and was to be married. It was an arranged marriage so he had never met her. When he lifted the veil, he realized that she was absolutely beautiful but she had a small decoration over her eyebrow. He asked her about it and she removed it too show a scar. She told him that the scar was from a little boy who threw a rock at her when she was a child. So, despite all odds, the old man was right. They were married. They were soulmates."

Lydia furrowed her brow. "That's sweet, Kira, but I don't get the point."

"I just..." Kira pursed her lips for a moment before continuing. "There's an awful lot of chance with you two that I don't understand. He fell in love with you at eight years old. That's insane, Lyds. That is... That is a kind of patience and dedication that I could never understand. He chose you at eight."

Lydia shook her head. "Okay. And?"

"Then you two just happened to fall into all of this werewolf stuff together. He happened to find you on the lacrosse field, he happened to find you crying in your car, he happened to be the one to take you to Jackson. You happened to find him in his panic attack, you happened to know to go to Eichen House, and you happened to be the one to pull him back from that tub when he was looking for his dad. There is so much chance."

"I get that but that doesn't mean soulmates is the..." Lydia trailed off, her mind sticking to one thing in particular that she had said. "Jackson found me on the lacrosse field."

"What?"

"Stiles wasn't there. Jackson saved me on the lacrosse field that night."

"No..." Kira looked confused. She had to be confused, to think that it was Stiles that saved her. "Stiles saved you from Peter, Lydia."

"No," Lydia said, getting frustrated. "It was Jackson. Stiles was with Peter."

"Yeah," Kira said. "He was with Peter to save your life. He agreed to go with Peter so he would leave you alone. He called Jackson to come get you. Stiles found you, Lydia."

Lydia stared at her for a long moment, little details from that night starting to come together. _You want to go look for Jackson._

_Lydia! Lydia, run!_

She took a deep breath. "Oh."

"Why didn't you know?" Kira asked slowly.

"I don't know," Lydia whispered. "No one told me."

"Well, you can ask them," Kira said, looking up.

Lydia turned and stared as Stiles and Scott came in the diner. "I don't want to talk to him and he sure as hell won't want to talk to me," Lydia said quietly, biting her lower lip.

"Really? Cause they're coming over here," Kira whispered.

Stiles led the way to their table, looking Lydia right in the eyes. When he got to her, he said, "Here's the deal." He put his hands on the tabletop and leaned forward. "I love you. I know this is my fault and I know I made a mess of things but I refuse to accept that we're over. We're not over. I will not let you go. I will not ruin this. I love you so much it hurts and I will make sure that I can show you that you are loved every day. So I'm back to fighting for you. I'm back to the way things used to be. I will chase you until the day I die if I have to but I'm not letting go. That's all I had to say. I just wanted you to know. I'm taking this back to the start." He slowly pushed away from the table and walked out the door. As he passed her, Maria gave him a grin and a thumbs up. Scott kissed Kira on the cheek before jogging after Stiles.

"I don't know what to do," Lydia whispered.

"That's okay," Kira replied. "You don't have to yet."

  
_Oh, losing him was blue like I'd never known_   
_Missing him was dark grey all alone_   
_Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met_   
_'Cause loving him was red_   
_Yeah, yeah, red_   
_We're burning red_

_And that's why he's spinnin' 'round in my head_   
_Comes back to me, burning red_   
_Yeah, yeah_


	15. You Are In Love

_One look, dark room_   
_Meant just for you_   
_Time moved too fast_

When Kira got the phone call, her heart plummeted. All she wanted in that moment was to be able to go home and be with Lydia, not be on a weekend trip with Scott. But as badly as she wanted to be home, she couldn't do anything. So she did the only thing she could think of.

_You played it back_   
_Buttons on a coat_   
_Light hearted joke_   
_No proof not much_   
_But you saw enough_

Lydia Martin had been through enough hard, emotional things in her life to make her think that she could handle something as simple as a dog growing old. But she was, once again in her life, proven wrong.

"Lydia, honey," her mom said one morning over breakfast. Her voice was soft, gentle, sad and Lydia knew right then in that moment. Of course she knew. She wasn't blind or deaf. She knew that Prada was having trouble eating, having trouble breathing. She would lay awake at night and pant because she just couldn't breathe any other way. The lung cancer was winning the battle inside of her.

But even with all of the loss that Lydia had suffered in her life, nothing could have prepared her for the moment that her mother told her that she had made the appointment. Or the way that she crumbled at the table, sobbing over the toast that would remain uneaten. She would never forget how her fingers had trembled so badly that it had taken three attempts just to pull up Kira's number and call. She would never forget how it had taken her four tries to get the words out. Or how Prada stayed by her side all day, as if she knew that it was time for the two of them to say goodbye after all of those years.

Prada was the first dog that Lydia had ever owned. She'd picked Prada out at the pound when she was a little girl. She named the dog Prada, because she knew that classy women used Prada handbags and she wanted herself and her dog to grow up to be classy. They had shared everything together. Prada had cuddled her during every breakup, every crushing crush, every stressful test or paper. She was there for her when she lost Allison and Lydia remembered wondering how she would have survived without her wonderful, perfect, loving companion.

So as the clock ticked, sending them closer and closer to that final goodbye at 3:40 on that Thursday afternoon, Lydia kept her hand on Prada and tried to focus on her book. She read out loud to Prada for a little bit and then she spoke to her softly, trying the entire time not to cry.

At 2:30, they took Prada to the park one last time. It was empty, it usually was at this time, and they spread out on an old blanket that they had brought with them and sat with Prada and swapped stories of her. They even managed to laugh a little bit.

And then, at 3:20, they forced themselves to get up and go to the car. Prada stood on the grass as long as possible, detoured to get one last drink of water, before getting in the car. It was as if she knew and didn't want that moment in the park to end, even though she also didn't want the pain to keep going. She was ready but not quite ready all at once.

And Lydia had to turn away and cover her mouth to stop the sob before getting in the back to sit with Prada one more time.

"Your father is meeting us there," Natalie said softly as she drove. She was trying not to cry herself. All Lydia could do was nod.

When they pulled up at the clinic, her dad was there, as promised. He hugged them both and took them inside. They were just about to go into the exam room when the door banged open and someone else came in, brown hair wet and ruffled as if it had just been washed, brown eyes wide and wild, hands knotting through his hair. His eyes passed over her father without a flicker of emotion but when they landed on Lydia, they softened and became filled with sadness.

Stiles Stilinski opened his arms and Lydia very willingly went into them, allowing herself this moment to cry into his chest before putting the brave face back on. He held her and ran his hand over her back, whispering to her words that she couldn't begin to comprehend in that moment. But she didn't need to. He came. And that was all that mattered. He was here.

"How?" she choked out.

"Kira called me," he murmured. "Come on, sweetheart... It's time..."

 _I don't want it to be time. She can't leave me yet._ But she went with him, moving at the same pace as him so that his arm remained around her. She stepped forward once Prada was put on the table, making sure to pet her and talk to her. Deacon spoke to them for a few moments, explaining exactly what it was that was causing this, making sure that they knew that they had done everything.

And for the first time in her life, Prada didn't fight against him. She didn't try to get off the table, just as she hadn't tried to hide under the chairs before being lifted up. Her eyes stared right into Lydia's soul as the needle went in and it was if she was trying to tell her how much she loved her, how much she knew Lydia loved her, and that she was ready.

She was saying goodbye.

Lydia cried silently as she watched the life slowly flicker out of Prada's beautiful eyes. And then Deacon lowered her so that she could lay down and he said, "She's gone." And then the sob tore from Lydia again and Stiles's arms tightened around her.

Leaving the clinic was a blur. She only vaguely remembered exiting the clinic, Stiles right beside her the entire time. She didn't have to think about it before she climbed in Stiles's jeep and pulled her legs up to her on the seat, placing her chin on her knees as the tears rolled down her face. Stiles swung into the drivers seat and reached over, his hand lightly touching her cheek. "I still think you look beautiful when you cry," he whispered. His fingers wiped away a few of the many tears before moving the gear shift so he could get them out of there.

_You understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars_   
_And why I've spent my whole life try to put it into words_

_'Cause you can hear in the silence_   
_You can feel it on the way home_   
_You can see it with the lights out_

"I should get home..." Stiles looked at the clock and regretfully got to his feet. The numbers 10:00 flashed at them but Lydia didn't want him to leave. She didn't want to be alone.

"Stiles," she said and, as she spoke, her voice broke. "Please," she whispered, "stay."

He looked back at her, his brown eyes meeting her green, and he slowly nodded his head. "Always," he whispered, sinking back onto the bed beside her and lacing his arms around her small frame. "Always, Lyds..."

She melted into him as she had done many times in the past, her head coming to rest on his chest. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "All I've done is cry on you and-"

"Stop. You have no reason to be sorry, Lydia. Honestly, I'm happy that you're letting me be here for you. Because that's all I've ever wanted."

She looked up at him, into his eyes once again, and could see the truth reflected in them, just as she could see pain in there. "You're hurting," she whispered. It almost seemed like a stupid thing to say. Of course he was hurting. He wanted to try again and she had slammed him back out.

"Of course," he murmured. "Lydia, it hurts me to see you hurt. I want you to be happy and you feel broken right now and that kills me." He kissed the top of her head, his lips lingering. Maybe she should have told him that that was crossing a line but she didn't. She didn't feel that it did cross a line. It was comforting.

She fell asleep in his arms for the first time in a long time and, under different circumstances, she probably would have had the best night's sleep that she had had in a year. But this was no normal night.

Her subconscious was not getting the peaceful message that she wished it would. She was sucked into a nightmare that she would later not really remember. The only part that she remembered, the worst part, was the part that stayed with her as she woke.

Prada's corpse was on the bed.

Lydia sat bolt up right with a gasp and went crazy patting the foot of the bed, tears stinging her eyes, her heart beat wild. Stiles sat up beside her. "Lydia?"

"Prada- she's on the- she's-"

Somehow, he understood from that. Stiles took her hands in his. "She's not," he whispered. "It's okay, Lydia. She's not." Lydia looked at him, her vision blurred by the tears that she hadn't realized were falling and let out probably the worst sob that she had had yet. She fell into his chest as her mouth gaped open in a sob so twisted and angry and painful that it was silent, her whole body shaking as she cried.

"I know," he whispered. "I'm here. You're not alone. She loved you. She loved you so much. You did the most loving thing you could do. It's okay. I'm here. You're my best friend. I'm here. I'm here."

_One night he wakes, strange look on his face_   
_Pauses, then says, you're my best friend_   
_And you knew what it was, he is in love_

_You can hear it in the silence, silence, you_   
_You can feel it on the way home, way home, you_   
_You can see it with the lights out, lights out_   
_You are in love, true love_   
_You're in love_   
_You can hear it in the silence, silence, you_   
_You can feel it on the way home, way home, you_   
_You can see it with the lights out, lights out_   
_You are in love, true love_   
_You're in love_

_\--_   
**_AN: I really hope you guys enjoyed this. This is a chapter that is very dear to me. I wrote it soon after my childhood dog passed away. It helped me through that time and I hope you guys enjoyed it._ **   
**_Also we only have a couple of chapters left and I wanted to thank every one of you for making this an amazing experience._ **


	16. The Last Time

_I find myself at your door,_

_Just like all those times before,_

_I'm not sure how I got there,_

_All roads-they lead me here._

 

_I imagine you are home,_

_In your room, all alone,_

_And you open your eyes into mine,_

_And everything feels better_

 

  Lydia stared up at his window. She didn't want to do this, but she knew that she had to. It was time. She was going to be going back to school tomorrow, which meant one thing. She wouldn't have another chance to do this.

  Slowly, Lydia went inside, knowing that Stiles was alone. Scott was with Kira, Isaac was with Derek and Braeden,  and their parents were doing date night.

  _I have had a crush on you since the third grade._

_Lydia, run!_

_And I know, that somewhere inside that cold, lifeless exterior, there is an actual human soul._

_You're going to go with someone else. Him._

_Get off your cute little ass and dance with me now._

_I think you look beautiful._

_You look beautiful when you cry._

_It's just some stuff I bought. For your birthday._

She took a slow breath and knocked on his door.

_and right before your eyes,_

_I'm breaking, no past_

_No reasons why,_

_Just you and me._

 

_This is the last time I'm asking you this,_

_Put my name at the top of your list,_

_This is the last time I'm asking you why,_

_You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye._

 

  Stiles pulled his door open and blinked in surprise. "Lydia." Slowly, he moved aside so that she could come inside. He couldn't help but be reminded of when this had happened so long ago, of the time she came to see him after the lacrosse game.

  "I want to talk." Her voice was shaking. "I want to know why. I want to know why you loved me so much, why you saved me on the field, why you never told me, and mostly, why you ended it without the bullshit. I just want to know _why_."

   Stiles raked his fingers through his hair and slowly shut the door. "I... I don't even know where to start."

  "Pick a place."

  "When my mom was sick you came to see her. You talked to her and you talked to me a little bit and then you hugged us both. When you left, I told my mom that I was going to marry you. She told me she was glad she got to meet you. I liked you before that but that was... That was the moment that I knew. I knew that I was going to marry you. I knew that I was going to spend my life trying to make you happy and I knew that I was going to live a life worth living because of it. You were all that mattered."

  Her eyes filled with tears. "Then why did you leave me?" Her voice sounded so small, so sad, so childlike, that it made him want to cry himself. He looked away from her, unsure of how to answer. "Why, Stiles? Was I not as good as you imagined I would be? Was I more bitchy? Not as good at kissing? Did a future with me not satisfy you?"

  "No! Of course not!" Stiles stared at her, brown eyes wide.

  "Then why?!" She was nearly screaming, tears finally spilling over and onto her cheeks. "Why did you abandon me?"

  "Because I got scared! I was afraid of how much I loved you! I was always so focused on the idea of finally getting you to date me that I never stopped to wonder if I could handle it ending so I decided it would be easier to do it sooner!"

   "It didn't have to end!"

  "Everything ends!" Stiles grabbed a handful of his hair, a couple tears falling from his own eyes now. "I couldn't watch you die like he did!"

  "Like who did?"

  "My dad! I couldn't watch you waste away like he had to watch her!" Stiles took a deep breath. "I would picture you in that bed, hooked up to those machines, begging to go home, asking who we were, not knowing your own kids- our kids-, dying in front of them. I couldn't do it!"

  "What made you think I was going to get dementia?"

  He shook his head, staring down. "I had nightmares about it every night. I knew that... You were with me. I'm not exactly a good omen."

  "Are you serious? Even if it was a guarantee that I would have died at thirty with you, I would have done it!"

  "I wouldn't have let you! I love you too much! I couldn't watch it happen! Okay? I couldn't imagine actually being able to live happily ever after and riding off into the sunset with you! I thought I was going to lose you!"

  "You did lose me!"

  "Thanks for pointing that out! I know that! You've made it very clear!"

  "Then why are you still fighting?"

  "Because you're worth it! Even if I lose you! You're worth it! I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you! You're everything to me! You're everything I could ever want! All I want is to keep you safe and let you know you're loved. You're my everything! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I fucked up! I'm sorry I took your choice away! I'm sorry I convinced myself you were my mother! But I love you! And I want to fix it! I want to be with you! I need you to forgive me someday because I can't imagine my life without you! I just- I want to know that you still love me."

  Lydia covered her mouth with her hand and gave a small sob. "I love you, Stiles, of course I love you. I will always love you. I couldn't stop if I tried, which I have done. I haven't dated all year because I couldn't get over you. I haven't been able to convince myself ever that I could stop loving you. I know I never will."

  Stiles looked up, real hope creeping into his heart. "So give me a chance."

  "I can't. Trusting is hard for me, Stiles. Okay? And I trusted you!"

  "I understand that! Just please! Let me earn it back!"

     "Stiles, you can't earn this back! The trust is broken! It's gone! It is gone! It's over!"

  "No!" His voice ripped from his throat, sounding as broken and hollow as he had felt the last year. "Lydia, no! Please. Please, let me try! I can do it. If anyone can earn trust, it's me! I did it once before, I-"

  "Exactly! You already did it! And you blew it! Stiles, I can't do this anymore!"

  "If you love me and I love you then I don't understand why! Lydia, I love you. I have always loved you! I have faith in you and faith in your abilities and I know what you deserve and I know I'm not it but I can learn! I have years to mature and develop and I'll never be my best self if I don't have you to teach me!"

  "You have to stop depending on me! You always have and it's too much, Stiles! It's too much! I can't be everything you want!"

  "All I want is you! Let me prove that!" His desperation was so present in his voice that he knew she heard it. She had to.

"I don't know that you can. Maybe we don't have the same red string." Lydia's voice was small.

  "What the hell does that mean?" he asked, nearly flinching at the cracks and breaks in his voice.

  "Stiles?" She looked at him. "Please. Just kiss me. Just one last time."

  "This isn't goodbye," he said slowly. "Not really. I'll see you at breaks and-"

"Stiles," she said with a shake of the head. "It is goodbye." Before he could say a word, she kissed him.

  And his world stopped and started all at once. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer, his brain starting to shut down temporarily. Questions of why it was goodbye and what he could do and if she wanted him all melted away as she became his entire focus. Lydia Martin. He was holding Lydia.

   As her fingers found the hem of his shirt, he raised his arms and she pulled it off. Her lips instantly found his again and she deepened the kiss hungrily, as if it was what she needed to keep living. He urgently pulled her closer as his hands started to pull her dress up. It fell to the ground and he slowly laid her on the bed as she began to work on his belt.

  All he wanted, all he needed, right in this moment was to be Lydia's. And right then it felt as if he was, as if he could be again.

  

_Right before your eyes,_

_I'm breaking, no past_

_No reasons why,_

_Just you and me_

_This is the last time I'm asking you this,_

_Put my name at the top of your list,_

_This is the last time I'm asking you why,_

_You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye_

 

When Stiles woke up at three in the morning, he felt confused as to where his clothes had gone and why his bed felt warmer than usual even though his comforter was discarded on the floor. But then his eyes found Lydia's sleeping form, her hair spread out over her back, her arm slung across his chest.

  He felt a small, disbelieving smile slide across his face as the memories came back to him. He kissed her head softly, still unable to believe it. She was here. She was really here. She smelled like wild flowers, like her, like home. He  slowly let out the breath that he had been holding for the last year and rested his head down beside hers, tightening his arms around her.

   For the first time in forever it felt like he had a chance, like they could be together. But they would talk about it more in the morning and, if things continued to go right, they would have forever to talk about it.

_This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong,_

_This is the last time I say it's been you all along,_

_This is the last time I let you in my door,_

_This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore_

_Oh, oh, oh,_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, oh, oh_

 

Lydia woke up early, the sun hitting her face from the open curtains, shining into the blue room. But her room wasn't blue. She slowly looked around and remembered. Stiles. She looked at his sleeping, smiling form and slowly slipped out of bed, careful not to wake him.

  She pulled on her clothes from last night and leaned over, kissing him as softly as possible on the lips before pulling back and getting dressed.

  Then she bent over his desk and scribbled a note that she left in her spot beside him.

_This is the last time I'm asking you,_

_Last time I'm asking you,_

_Last time I'm asking you this_

 

  When Stiles woke up again he was alone. His hand flew to the side of the bed where Lydia had been but it was empty and cold. He slowly sat up and looked around. Her clothes were gone and so was her purse. Slowly, he looked at the place where she had been, feeling like a cold block of ice had been inserted into his stomach.

  There was a note. He grabbed it and read it hurriedly.

_Stiles-_

_I love you. I'll probably always love you. And last night was amazing._

_But it doesn't change anything. I meant it when I said goodbye, Stiles. It's over. I'm going back to school today and when I come home for breaks, I'll hang out with the others separately._

_We did alright, Stiles. We tried to go back. But we can't. And the only way to move forward is to say goodbye._

_So last night was the last time. The last time together, the last time arguing, the last time of saying goodbye._

_I will miss you. But this is for the best._

_You'll see that someday._

_Goodbye._

_-Lydia_

 

**_This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong,_ **

**_This is the last time I say it's been you all along,_ **

**_This is the last time I let you in my door,_ **

**_This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore_ **

**A/N: I'm so sorry for this chapter! I hope you guys don't hate me too much! Only two chapters left! One and then the epilogue. Any guesses as to what the songs are?**


	17. How You Get the Girl

_Stand there like a ghost_  
Shaking from the rain, rain  
She'll open up the door  
And say, are you insane?  
Say it's been a long six months  
And you were too afraid to tell her what you want  
And that's how it works  
It's how you get the girl  
And then you say

"No!" The word ripped through him suddenly, so fast that he wasn't even sure he said it. Until he heard a crash and Scott came bolting into the room, Isaac behind him.

"What happened?" Scott asked.

"It smells in here. Did you have sex?" Isaac looked at him, face wrinkled with disgust. Stiles couldn't have cared less.

He held out the note. "She's gone."

Scott came forward and took it, looking completely lost. His eyes searched Stiles's, the concern obvious on his face. Stiles shook his head and let his eyes dart to the paper, feeling too exhausted to explain.

Scott stared down at the paper. "Holy shit." He held it out to Isaac, who had come up behind him. Scott stared at Stiles for a few moments without speaking before startling him with a harsh, "No."

"That's what I said," Stiles said dully.

"No, he means _no_ ," Isaac intervened, grabbing Stiles by the arm and yanking him to his feet.

"What the hell?" Stiles snapped, wanting only to curl up in bed and never move again. This actually hurt so badly that it was a physical ache, originating in his chest and echoing through his entire body.

"No," Scott repeated. "You can't let this happen."

"I've tried-"

"Do not say everything," Isaac said. "You have not tried everything. Not yet."

"You know her better than anyone," Scott said. "There has to be something.

Stiles stared between them for a heartbeat before his heart leapt in his chest. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days was playing in his head, or about two minutes of it anyway, as well as Love, Actually and a thousand others. "There is something." He took the note from Scott and crumbled it, tossing it to the floor as he walked to the dresser and pulled jeans on over his boxers. He then pulled on a shirt and grabbed his wallet.

He looked at the other two. "There is something I can do."'

"What?" Isaac asked.

"A grand gesture," Stiles replied with a grin. "By the way," he said slowly. "What do you know about a red string?"

 _I want you for worse or for better_ __  
I would wait for ever and ever  
Broke your heart, I'll put it back together  
I would wait for ever and ever

Lydia didn't want to admit how much she had cried on the drive to her apartment. She had pulled over multiple times, hugging herself as she sobbed. This was by far the hardest thing she had ever done- the hardest thing she would ever have to do.

But she knew it had to be done. Once trust was broken, there was nothing left. And the trust was definitely broken. So that was it, wasn't it?

By the time Lydia got to her sad little apartment and switched the light switch on, she felt like sinking into the floor and dying. But then she heard a small _something_ that sounded like a bark and looked around. It was a bark. There was a puppy sitting on her floor.

And then Stiles came into the room from the kitchen. And then she realized that the stereo in the kitchen was hooked up and it was playing How You Get the Girl by Taylor Swift.

"You're right," he said, eyes tearing right into her soul. "I love Taylor Swift. You're right about a lot of things. The shirt I bought a year and a half ago. It's crap. I got rid of it. My Jeep? It sucked going a year without it. And us? I was an idiot. I shouldn't have assumed that you didn't know what you wanted. Ever. Or what you needed."

"Stiles..." Lydia stared at him, feeling completely lost, not knowing what to say.

"I know that this is pushing a lot. I know you said goodbye, that you didn't want to see me again, that it might be too soon after Prada. But this dog isn't a replacement. It's just... It's a dog that needed a home. Badly. And this... You... Me... Lydia..." He looked pained, brown eyes welling with unshed tears. "I will fight for you every day for the rest of my life. I would have chased you down at the airport if you had flown. Since you didn't, this was a pretty damned close second I thought."

"How did you beat me?" she whispered.

"Honestly?" His lips quirked with a small smile. "A lot of criminal speeding combined with shortcuts. But that's not the point." She started to ask another question but he took a step forward and shook his head. "Please let me finish. I need to get this out. Lydia Martin, I love you. I will always love you. If you don't want me, I'll take the hint. I'll back off. But Lydia, I want to make you smile again. I want you to feel safe. I want you to know that someone loves you just as you are, that someone will always be there to catch you if you fall."

He slowly pulled a small box out of the pocket of his jeans. "Lydia, you are imperfectly perfect. And that's okay with me. I know your flaws and I love them. And anything I don't know, I can't wait to find out over the years with you. And I know," his voice broke, "that you feel that way about me. I know that you know me better than anyone, I know that you still love me, and I know that you would happily take the bad days with the good."

He went down on one knee and Lydia covered her mouth, staring in shock as he looked up at her. "Lydia Martin, I love you. I will always love you. I found out, you know, about the red string of fate. Our string... It's the same string, Lyds. You know it is. You and me, we're soulmates. It's you and me, Lyds. Always." His brown eyes were filled with more love than anyone could ever deserve.

"And that's why..." He opened the box and slowly and pulled out a small piece of red string. "I don't have a ring. I didn't have time, really. So... I thought this would work. It's fitting, for us. Lydia Martin, I love you and I cannot imagine a life without you. I want to wake up to you every morning. I want to hold you when you're sad and I want to smile with you when you're happy. So, Lydia."

Stiles slowly held out his hand for Lydia's, which she handed him automatically. He gazed up at her. "Will you marry me?"

The answer was out before she had time to think about it, not that thinking about it would have changed things. "Yes."

Stiles was tearing up again but he carefully tied the string around her ring finger and got to his feet. They met in a soft, loving, passionate kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck, twisting her fingers into his hair, and he wrapped one arm around her shoulder blades and one around her waist.

It wasn't that she suddenly forgot every ounce of pain from the last year, it was that she could see again exactly how much he loved her, how much he wanted to protect her. She could see _him_ , the good and the bad, and she wanted every bit of him, every bit of the life they would have together. It would be imperfect, but that was what would be perfect.

And that was everything she wanted.

 _And that's how it works_ __  
It's how you get the girl, girl, oh  
And that's how it works  
It's how you get the girl, girl  
And that's how it works  
It's how you get the girl, girl, oh  
And that's how it works  
It's how you get the girl, girl

_**A/N: Okay, guys. We're not quite done yet. The epilogue is coming. Thanks guys. This has been a ball and I hope you liked it.** _

 


	18. Chapter 18

_Clear blue water_   
_High tide came and brought you in_   
_And I could go on and on, on and on_   
_And I will_

_Skies grew darker_   
_Currents swept you out again_   
_And you are just gone and gone, gone and gone_

  "I hate him!" She screamed, grabbing a handful of her strawberry blonde hair. Her green eyes shone with tears as she paced back and forth in front of the burning fire place.

  "Oh, sweetheart... Sit down and try to breathe, okay?" His eyes shone with sympathy. He wanted to take her pain, even though he knew that it was inevitable. He knew that this was just something that happens, a painful part of life.

   She sat down beside him and buried her face in his arm, tears streaking down her face. "I just wish that it would stop! I just... Love isn't worth it!"

   "Oh, honey, you stop that right now." He took her face in his hands, brought her face to look at him. "Honey, let me tell you something. Love is always worth it."

  "Even unrequited love? Because it's a bitch."

  A smile quirked his lips, as he thought back.

  _Hey, Lydia. You look... like you're going to ignore me._

  "Let me tell you a secret." Stiles Stilinski tilted his eye glasses down more and lifted his eyebrows, his dark eyes searching into his granddaughter's piercing green eyes. "Unrequited love can be the greatest love you will ever feel. Because it's the most selfless love you will ever get to experience. It hurts and it bleeds and it makes you wish you were dead. But it gives you the chance, the real and true chance, to really learn what it is to put another person before yourself. But you never know when sparks will fly."

  _Just kill me. Look, I don't care anymore! Just don't hurt her!_

_And if you die, I will literally go out of my freaking mind._

_You look beautiful when you cry._

_Well, I think you look beautiful._

  Stiles leaned back into the old sofa and let out a small sigh. "The greatest love I ever knew... She didn't even know I existed."

  His granddaughter rolled he eyes- the sight made him smile because of how often he and Lydia would do that very thing. "Please. Grandpa, I'm not stupid. You've only loved- Oh. _Oh._ What?! Really? Grandma... It was unrequited?"

  "You've never heard this?" Stiles's eyes sparked. "I could have sworn I had just told this story to someone..."

  "That was Jimmy, dear." Lydia leaned over, planting a kiss on her husband's cheek. "This is Rebecca."

  And now Stiles rolled his eyes again and looked at his wife with a fond annoyance. "I know who this is, Lyra." Lydia's green eyes sparked with concern until Stiles gave her a smile, eyebrows lifting. "Don't worry, Lyds. I'm teasing." He kissed her hand. "I'm not that old. And neither are you, my dear, so don't start sweating it yet. We've overcome far worse, remember."

   A small smile pulled at Lydia's lips. "Mm. Trust me, I remember. I mean, how could I forget you showing up to check on me when I missed school?"

  "Or you calling me Jackson because you were high?" Stiles teased.

  Lydia gave a small laugh. "You tripping over nothing because you saw me in the woods."

  "Oh, we're playing dirty now." Stiles's eyes sparked with mischief, a familiar look indeed for Lydia. "That sorry excuse you came up with for why you kissed me."

  Lydia's jaw fell open, a grin pulling at her face, lighting her green eyes. "Oh! You insufferable man!" Stiles roared with laughter as Lydia hit his shoulder lightly. "It worked and you know it! Sorry excuse! Next time I'll just leave you there! See if you think it's such a sorry excuse then. Oh! You sorry excuse of a-"

  Stiles slid his hand to his wife's cheek, pulling her down to him and kissing her softy, quickly, gently, lovingly. "Care to finish now?"

  "Cheater," she whispered fondly.

  "I never played fair," he whispered back. "I just managed to figure it out."

  "You were the one to always figure it out..."

   "Only because I had you to guide me," Stiles murmured, looking into her eyes. "My emotional tether..."

  She smiled again, her hand gently stroking the side of his face. "It was a pleasure to pull you back..."

  Rebecca smiled softly as she watched them. "It's hard to believe this was ever unrequited..."

  "It's hard for me to believe too." Lydia smiled at him. "I don't know what I would have done without him." She planted a kiss on his forehead and moved into the kitchen.

  "Oh, stay! Where are you going?" he complained after her.

  "To hide Rebecca's cookies from you."

  Stiles pouted silently after his wife. "I can control myself," he muttered to himself.

  "So, grandpa... Tell me more. I want to know the story." Rebecca pulled a blanket into her lap and looked up at him.

  Stiles smiled. "Well, Rebecca. It's a long story. In it... I had some moments that I'm not proud of, where I should have done things differently."

  "Would you change them?"

  "Heavens no. I wouldn't change one thing. One thing might have changed our ending here." He smiled at her. "There's a reason we aren't born fearless. If I had been just a little braver... Well, things would have been different."

  "How so?" Rebecca asked, watching her grandfather curiously.

  "Well... See, I would have stayed. But I was too afraid."

  "Afraid of what?"

  Stiles smiled. "We're getting ahead of ourselves. See, our story starts with a little boy who told his sick mother that he was going to marry a little girl in his class."

  "You knew then?"

  "I did. I had a crush on your grandmother since the third grade." He smiled to himself, thinking of their lives together. "I knew that it was her."

  "How?" she asked.

  Stiles smiled at her. "I'm not entirely sure. I think I needed it to be her so much that... It was. But, we're getting off topic again. See, this is not the story of how I fell in love with her."

  Rebecca blinked. "It's not?"

  "No, my dear." Stiles leaned forward, his eyes twinkling with mischief again. "This is the story of how I got the girl."

_Your kiss, my cheek_   
_I watched you leave_   
_Your smile, my ghost_   
_I fell to my knees_   
_When you're young_   
_You just run_   
_But you come back_   
_To what you need_

_This love is good, this love is bad_   
_This love is alive back from the dead, oh_   
_These hands had to let it go free_   
_And this love came back to me, oh_

_This love left a permanent mark_   
_This love is glowing in the dark, oh_   
_These hands had to let it go free_   
_And this love came back to me, oh_

**_A/N:_** Wow, you guys I really hope you liked this... I enjoyed writing it and my, oh, my will I miss it. I literally cannot express how sad I am at the thought of not continuing. I'd been putting off the eopilogue under the excuse that I couldn't get it right. I just didn't want to say goodbye.

  But here we are. Thank you for staying with me. I know it was a long journey.

I don't know if you caught it... But there were a few chapter titles hidden in this chapter. I was going for all of them but it was getting too forced.

  A couple more bits of news...

One- Eventually, I'm going to do a rewrite. I'm going to add chapters, flesh them out, add detail, and so on. But I am going to take a break for a while first.

Two- I am now going to start posting my other fics more often or (to tumblr) for pretty much the first time except a few exceptions. Please look out for _Please, Stay_ , _He Said, She Said_ , and any others that I am lucky enough to write.

Thank you guys. I hope you enjoyed this half as much as I enjoyed writing it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! I hope you enjoyed it!


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